Okay, I haven’t written in a while, but I have some good news about my progress. I have managed to eat much more nutritiously for about 4 days in a row now, and have cut down on Coke significantly again. I want to try cooking a few vegetarian recipes, because I heard that eating meat actually makes any medication one takes less effective than if one did not eat meat (or if one simply ate organic meat).
I also got some more exercise recently. I walked for about 1 hour at Wal Mart on Tuesday, about 15-20 minutes on Wednesday (1404 steps), and walked for 2-3 hours today (3476 steps). I’m happy with this, as well my higher consumption of fruits and vegetables and my more frequent grooming this week.
I think I might also have made some progress in terms of my neatness/organizational issues. I had purchased a 9-cube organizer for $50.00, but realized it was too large and had to be put on casters in order to be of any use. Today I finally found what I need – 2 wooden boards with swivel casters on the bottom for the 9-cube organizer to rest on. Hopefully this will help organize some of my craft supplies.
On a more negative note, I weighed myself lately and am 210 pounds. Also, I have spent way too much money lately and really need to chill out when it comes to the craft supplies!
I have to say this though: I think craft supplies should be very inexpensive so that people who make crafts can sell them if they so desire at reasonable prices. It seems like craft companies like Michaels just assume that crafters are all just a bunch of bored, rich housewives who have an unlimited allowance from their husbands, and so use their spare time to try to imitate Martha Stewart as best they can. They price everything as though money is no object to the shoppers, who make their own decorations despite having a cook, a maid, and a nanny. I bet they purposely make it so that crafters can’t shop at their stores and actually make a profit by selling what they create. Any potential craft-buyers who look at a craft they like from an independent artist will see the price and think to themselves, “I bet if I go to Michaels I can make that myself for a lot cheaper.”
Anyways, I’m starting to think that today’s writing isn’t making a lot of sense, and that it’s really not my best writing anyways, so I’ll call it a day. Hopefully I will have my short article on Avatar up and running soon, as well as some pictures of some crafts I made, with some instructions for any readers on how to make them.
Random Thought: Has anyone else noticed that the word SCRAP contains the word CRAP? This can't be a coincidence, since scraps are often pieces of crap ...
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
My Frustrating, Hormonal Day
Okay, some new things to report:
I finally ended up watching Avatar last night, and hope to write a short but to-the-point article to be published on this blog about why I think the Vatican really has a problem with the film. So my imaginary readers can have something to look forward to reading about other than my “progress.”
(The term “progress” is a word which here means “trying pathetically to convince oneself that one is taking steps forward despite multiple steps back.”)
On Thursday I had my acupuncture appointment which, despite the weird feeling when the needles were inserted, actually felt kind of nice. For about an hour or two after the appointment I felt pretty good, but then started to feel really awful in the evening, a feeling which continued up until this morning. I managed to get to bed at about 2:30 am – not the greatest, but a more appropriate hour than the previous day – and got up at about 9:30 am feeling slightly less painful and more energetic. The energy may be partly to do with the iron supplements I managed to take a couple times recently, and plan to take on a more regular basis.
After my appointment Mom took me to a thrift store – she’s totally obsessed with them – where I ended up seeing a rack that would make a great potion rack for my Alice In Wonderland themed crafts. It was only about $5.00, which means I brought one more piece of crap into this cluttered house of junk. To make matters worse, the next day Mom took me to Michaels and insisted we stop at another thrift store nearby where I bought 2 foam heads for $2.99 each. As usual when I buy something large and frightening to a foreign father with no hobbies, I leave the item in the car over night to try to sneak it in the house the next day. If Dad ends up noticing it, I just act like I’ve had the item for a long time. (Before you get all judgemental about my methods, I should strongly note that Mom taught me that trick and I have witnessed her use it on more than one occasion.) Unfortunately, Mom was in need of the space in the van and had Dad bring its contents into the house – I can’t imagine what Dad must have thought seeing that rack and pair of heads.
(By the way, Mom needed the space in the van because she was having another jewellery-sale at the library. Unfortunately, very few people came but the week before she was the only seller to make any money. Nobody bought from anyone else.)
Well, this morning was stressful. While sitting here on the couch, minding my own business and getting my ass kicked by my computer at Chess, Dad felt the need to remind me that the living room needs to be cleaned of my lingering craft supplies that seem to be scattered in all rooms of the house like darkening, thickening clouds appearing to cover the sky on an otherwise beautiful day. One might think, as Dad approached me sitting here at my usual spot on the couch in the living room which happens to face said pile of my crap that Dad would just assume he would not need to inform me that the room needs to be cleaned. However, one probably does not have a dad like mine.
Dad and I proceeded to argue about this loudly in the morning, and continued somewhat later when I actually spent about an hour organizing my craft supplies because he could not reach the fridge in the basement kitchen. Then to top it all off, when I was finished and came upstairs to put some scrap-paper in the bag in the closet to be recycled he complained about how full the closet was!
Maybe during a normal day I would be able to deal with all of this, but I’m having some trouble coping with the stress right now. I’m probably a little hormonal due to my impending period. I feel like there’s no hope, that something awful awaits me, and it is only a matter of time.
Accomplishments:
- sorted craft supplies for about 1 hour; eliminated a box of junk and found some craft supplies I am willing to part with, which I put in a box that is slowly being filled to be sent to a thrift store
- did dishes right after dinner
- cooked breakfast for myself and did the dishes I used
- managed not to have Coke, even though I was having tacos for dinner
I finally ended up watching Avatar last night, and hope to write a short but to-the-point article to be published on this blog about why I think the Vatican really has a problem with the film. So my imaginary readers can have something to look forward to reading about other than my “progress.”
(The term “progress” is a word which here means “trying pathetically to convince oneself that one is taking steps forward despite multiple steps back.”)
On Thursday I had my acupuncture appointment which, despite the weird feeling when the needles were inserted, actually felt kind of nice. For about an hour or two after the appointment I felt pretty good, but then started to feel really awful in the evening, a feeling which continued up until this morning. I managed to get to bed at about 2:30 am – not the greatest, but a more appropriate hour than the previous day – and got up at about 9:30 am feeling slightly less painful and more energetic. The energy may be partly to do with the iron supplements I managed to take a couple times recently, and plan to take on a more regular basis.
After my appointment Mom took me to a thrift store – she’s totally obsessed with them – where I ended up seeing a rack that would make a great potion rack for my Alice In Wonderland themed crafts. It was only about $5.00, which means I brought one more piece of crap into this cluttered house of junk. To make matters worse, the next day Mom took me to Michaels and insisted we stop at another thrift store nearby where I bought 2 foam heads for $2.99 each. As usual when I buy something large and frightening to a foreign father with no hobbies, I leave the item in the car over night to try to sneak it in the house the next day. If Dad ends up noticing it, I just act like I’ve had the item for a long time. (Before you get all judgemental about my methods, I should strongly note that Mom taught me that trick and I have witnessed her use it on more than one occasion.) Unfortunately, Mom was in need of the space in the van and had Dad bring its contents into the house – I can’t imagine what Dad must have thought seeing that rack and pair of heads.
(By the way, Mom needed the space in the van because she was having another jewellery-sale at the library. Unfortunately, very few people came but the week before she was the only seller to make any money. Nobody bought from anyone else.)
Well, this morning was stressful. While sitting here on the couch, minding my own business and getting my ass kicked by my computer at Chess, Dad felt the need to remind me that the living room needs to be cleaned of my lingering craft supplies that seem to be scattered in all rooms of the house like darkening, thickening clouds appearing to cover the sky on an otherwise beautiful day. One might think, as Dad approached me sitting here at my usual spot on the couch in the living room which happens to face said pile of my crap that Dad would just assume he would not need to inform me that the room needs to be cleaned. However, one probably does not have a dad like mine.
Dad and I proceeded to argue about this loudly in the morning, and continued somewhat later when I actually spent about an hour organizing my craft supplies because he could not reach the fridge in the basement kitchen. Then to top it all off, when I was finished and came upstairs to put some scrap-paper in the bag in the closet to be recycled he complained about how full the closet was!
Maybe during a normal day I would be able to deal with all of this, but I’m having some trouble coping with the stress right now. I’m probably a little hormonal due to my impending period. I feel like there’s no hope, that something awful awaits me, and it is only a matter of time.
Accomplishments:
- sorted craft supplies for about 1 hour; eliminated a box of junk and found some craft supplies I am willing to part with, which I put in a box that is slowly being filled to be sent to a thrift store
- did dishes right after dinner
- cooked breakfast for myself and did the dishes I used
- managed not to have Coke, even though I was having tacos for dinner
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
The Week In Review
Dear Potential Lonely Sock Fans,
The last week hasn’t been too bad. Pain-wise, it has been pretty bad though. But energy-wise, I did pretty well. I cheated, of course, and used Hydroxycut for most of my energy, but it’s better than spending 24 hours a day in bed. It keeps me awake during most of the day and can give me a boost of energy when I need to get ready to go out, so critics of my methods can kiss my ass.
So, to recap, this has been my week:
On Monday May 3 I went to the mall and was on my feet for 2 hours, so I got some exercise that day. I also picked up the book Alice In Wonderland and Philosophy: Curioser and Curioser, as well as the magazines The Fortean Times and Atlantis Rising. At a dollar store I picked up 3 wooden mortar and pestles, 3 teacups and saucers that will be “mad” tea cups when I’m done with them, and 4 vinegar jars that will be used for potion bottles and “drink me” bottles for my Alice In Wonderland crafts. Unfortunately, that day I had some A&W and a coke – I can’t help it when I’m at the mall.
On Tuesday I continued my unhealthy diet by eating Burger King and drinking 2 cokes.
On Wednesday I went to Wal Mart and walked for about 40 minutes, so I got some more exercise that day. I also bought some craft supplies – what else is new right? – and I purchased an extremely heavy 9-cube organizer that turned out to be too big for its planned location. If I return it I know it will be a hassle, but if I keep it, will it just add to the clutter?
On Thursday I tried to clean my room for about 40 minutes to an hour, which I consider to be exercise – you would too if you saw how cluttered my room is.
Again, on Friday I cleaned for about 40 minutes and enlisted my dad’s help in moving the armoire out of the living room into my bedroom, only to find out that the armoire is about 2-3 inches too wide and that my dad is a stubborn pain-in-the-ass who thinks he knows everything.
On Saturday Dad reluctantly took me to a grocery store, because if I don’t buy some food for myself he certainly won’t. I got to walk around for what I will count as 10 minutes of aerobic exercise. That night I sat down to watch Avatar with my mom and brother, but unfortunately I was far too tired to get through the first half hour. I will try to watch it tomorrow though.
Sunday was probably the highlight of my week. I went with my Mom and Dad to Colasanti’s. I love going there! I love looking around, playing a couple of arcade games, and spending time feeding animals in the petting zoo. I usually play Ski Ball and I give whatever tickets I win to a little kid as the prizes aren’t particularly appealing to an adult, and could probably be purchased for less than a dollar if truly desired. Still, kids would find it rewarding to win a prize, so sometimes I find a small kid with only few tickets, sometimes none, and this time a chose to give my tickets to a little girl who offered to hand me the balls like an assistant while I played. Later I got to feed a pig who seemed pleased to have her back scratched, and I got to speak to a white cockatiel who always seems to flirt with me every time I go there. I walked around a lot that day too, and had extreme pain in my legs that night.
Yesterday I did very little, except win a Chess game against my computer, but today I painted again. Though I wasn’t in too much pain, for some reason I had a lot of trouble tolerating it. I’m starting to realize that painting and doing my crafts is actually causing pain, probably because of all the bending over, which I think led to my 4-day long headache last week. I think I’ll have to take it easy tomorrow. Still, I’m happy with how 2 items are turning out. I am almost done painting a sign which reads, “The Mad Tea Room” and am almost done painting a box that will read “Eat Me.” I am still in the process of painting a small book that will be entitled “Jabberwocky” and a box that will be labelled “Tea” or “Mad Tea” that will be painted the same colours the Hatter is wearing in the John Tenniel illustrations of Alice In Wonderland. I’ll try to have pictures of my work up soon.
Even though I had a satisfying day today, I have to admit that doing crafts keeps me up WAY too late at night even if I do start early in the day. And I get WAY too tired to clean up the kitchen table at 3:30 in the morning.
Tomorrow I will try to take a shower, watch Avatar, and have a relaxing day. On Thursday I have an acupuncture appointment, which I am hoping will help me tremendously with my pain. For the next month or so, I am going to have weekly acupuncture appointments, and I will keep you posted about whether or not they improve my condition.
Now to clean up the damn painting supplies ...
Random Thought: I just noticed that the word PAINT has the word PAIN in it ... coincidence?
The last week hasn’t been too bad. Pain-wise, it has been pretty bad though. But energy-wise, I did pretty well. I cheated, of course, and used Hydroxycut for most of my energy, but it’s better than spending 24 hours a day in bed. It keeps me awake during most of the day and can give me a boost of energy when I need to get ready to go out, so critics of my methods can kiss my ass.
So, to recap, this has been my week:
On Monday May 3 I went to the mall and was on my feet for 2 hours, so I got some exercise that day. I also picked up the book Alice In Wonderland and Philosophy: Curioser and Curioser, as well as the magazines The Fortean Times and Atlantis Rising. At a dollar store I picked up 3 wooden mortar and pestles, 3 teacups and saucers that will be “mad” tea cups when I’m done with them, and 4 vinegar jars that will be used for potion bottles and “drink me” bottles for my Alice In Wonderland crafts. Unfortunately, that day I had some A&W and a coke – I can’t help it when I’m at the mall.
On Tuesday I continued my unhealthy diet by eating Burger King and drinking 2 cokes.
On Wednesday I went to Wal Mart and walked for about 40 minutes, so I got some more exercise that day. I also bought some craft supplies – what else is new right? – and I purchased an extremely heavy 9-cube organizer that turned out to be too big for its planned location. If I return it I know it will be a hassle, but if I keep it, will it just add to the clutter?
On Thursday I tried to clean my room for about 40 minutes to an hour, which I consider to be exercise – you would too if you saw how cluttered my room is.
Again, on Friday I cleaned for about 40 minutes and enlisted my dad’s help in moving the armoire out of the living room into my bedroom, only to find out that the armoire is about 2-3 inches too wide and that my dad is a stubborn pain-in-the-ass who thinks he knows everything.
On Saturday Dad reluctantly took me to a grocery store, because if I don’t buy some food for myself he certainly won’t. I got to walk around for what I will count as 10 minutes of aerobic exercise. That night I sat down to watch Avatar with my mom and brother, but unfortunately I was far too tired to get through the first half hour. I will try to watch it tomorrow though.
Sunday was probably the highlight of my week. I went with my Mom and Dad to Colasanti’s. I love going there! I love looking around, playing a couple of arcade games, and spending time feeding animals in the petting zoo. I usually play Ski Ball and I give whatever tickets I win to a little kid as the prizes aren’t particularly appealing to an adult, and could probably be purchased for less than a dollar if truly desired. Still, kids would find it rewarding to win a prize, so sometimes I find a small kid with only few tickets, sometimes none, and this time a chose to give my tickets to a little girl who offered to hand me the balls like an assistant while I played. Later I got to feed a pig who seemed pleased to have her back scratched, and I got to speak to a white cockatiel who always seems to flirt with me every time I go there. I walked around a lot that day too, and had extreme pain in my legs that night.
Yesterday I did very little, except win a Chess game against my computer, but today I painted again. Though I wasn’t in too much pain, for some reason I had a lot of trouble tolerating it. I’m starting to realize that painting and doing my crafts is actually causing pain, probably because of all the bending over, which I think led to my 4-day long headache last week. I think I’ll have to take it easy tomorrow. Still, I’m happy with how 2 items are turning out. I am almost done painting a sign which reads, “The Mad Tea Room” and am almost done painting a box that will read “Eat Me.” I am still in the process of painting a small book that will be entitled “Jabberwocky” and a box that will be labelled “Tea” or “Mad Tea” that will be painted the same colours the Hatter is wearing in the John Tenniel illustrations of Alice In Wonderland. I’ll try to have pictures of my work up soon.
Even though I had a satisfying day today, I have to admit that doing crafts keeps me up WAY too late at night even if I do start early in the day. And I get WAY too tired to clean up the kitchen table at 3:30 in the morning.
Tomorrow I will try to take a shower, watch Avatar, and have a relaxing day. On Thursday I have an acupuncture appointment, which I am hoping will help me tremendously with my pain. For the next month or so, I am going to have weekly acupuncture appointments, and I will keep you posted about whether or not they improve my condition.
Now to clean up the damn painting supplies ...
Random Thought: I just noticed that the word PAINT has the word PAIN in it ... coincidence?
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Headaches, Outings and Parental Friction
So far today, I am a little pissed off. For the previous 2 nights I was able to sleep almost all the way through, which seems to have given me more energy and less pain than usual, when I am nocturnal. Now, yesterday in the evening I started to feel very achy and tired and went to lie down. I commented to my mom – who has a VERY poor memory – that I did not want to sleep for fear that I would wake in the middle of the night without being able to get back to sleep, thus ruining my sleeping pattern once again. I wanted to try to remain awake to watch LOST, my absolute favourite show, but I realised I could not enjoy it in my current achy, tired state, and went to bed. I knew that, if I did wake in the middle of the night it would be on at 12:00 A.M., and if I managed to sleep through, I could simply watch it again on Thursday night on SPACE.
Given my Fibromyalgia, a condition that involves pain and fatigue which worsens when sufferers do not get enough sleep, you would think that my mother would have the good sense not to wake me at midnight to tell me that LOST is on. One might think that, being my mother and in charge of my care for most of my life, she would know that sleeping through the night would be crucial to my health and wellbeing, and that my health and wellbeing are much more important than getting to watch a new episode of my favourite show on the day it premiers. One might also think that, since she has wakened me in the middle of the night once before and ruined my sleeping pattern once before and thus causing a huge fight, she would remember NOT to wake me up unless it is an emergency! One might also think that she would remember being told that the new episode of LOST is on again a mere 2 days later on another channel, and that even if she did not remember, she would have the good sense to check using the remote control to see when the episode would air again. And of course, last but not least, one might think that my mom would remember my comment about wanting to sleep all through the night.
Dear reader, if you are one of these people, then I regret to inform you that you are so fucking wrong.
At exactly 12 o’clock AM my bedroom door opened and my mother intruded, waking me up to inform me of the time and that LOST was on. As much as she meant well, she added insult to injury by leaving my door open and talking to my cat as loud and annoyingly as she possibly could! Not only was I awake, I was wide awake, and I was furious! I couldn’t get back to sleep for at least 2 and a half hours. She claimed, and still claims this morning, that she and my brother alike both thought that I wanted to be woken at midnight to watch LOST ... EVEN THOUGH I SAID NOTHING OF THE SORT!!!! I tried discussing the matter with her this morning, and very calmly I might add. But when trying to calmly explain the importance of being able to sleep through the night after such a long nocturnal streak, my mom erupted in violent anger as if she was the one whose attempts to better herself were sabotaged.
She screamed about how I wake her frequently, which is untrue, and an unfair comparison. I only wake her in the middle of the night when I am in too much pain and can no longer take it, and I try to wait as long as I possibly can so as not to wake her. I think it should also be noted and strongly taken into consideration that when she gets up to go to the bathroom during the night, I always do my best to keep her awake so that she can get back to bed – you see, she has a long habit of falling asleep on the toilet during the night in uncomfortable positions, ultimately causing her much pain and discomfort the next day. Similarly, I try to keep her awake in front of the TV, and when I cannot, I place a pillow against her neck so that she does not wake up with neck pain. In other words, I think my waking her up occasionally for help is a different and excusable matter compared to her waking me up out of sheer stupidity.
I know this probably sounds awful, but sometimes I get the feeling that my mom subconsciously sabotages my progress towards improving my health and independence, because once I am healthy and independent I will no longer depend on her and can move out and live on my own. Even though I know she loves me and wants me to be happy, sometimes I wonder if her waking me up at midnight and hurting my feelings when I am having a good day with no pain are unconscious ways of keeping me dependent on her so that she will always have me living with her and won’t be lonely. I doubt this is the case though ... even though I get mad at her at times like this, I hate to think these things about her.
Anyways, now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, here’s a little summary of the last few days.
I haven’t written in a few days due to a massive headache that had me incapacitated for about 4 days straight. Needless to say, I have been neglecting my physio exercises during those days. On a more positive note though, I was finally able to shower, and I managed to paint 12 wooden boxes gold for my mom. You see, she’s participating in some kind of sale this weekend where she gets her own booth to sell the jewellery she makes. This is the first time she’s ever been able to display and sell her work, so she’s been working really hard trying to make pieces she thinks people will want to buy, and has enlisted my help in painting the jewellery boxes and designing the business cards.
Oddly Mom has also involved me in the critiquing/evaluating of her work, and this is strange and frequently annoying to me because, though a girl, I despise jewellery. She claims that I am her best critic and that this is because of my dislike of jewellery – she claims that if she can please me, then she knows she did a good job. She says that the one piece she designed that I did like a lot is the piece that the most people have complimented – and not just her fellow-beaders, but friends and strangers alike. Her view now is that I am her best critic – even though I constantly assure her that I don’t see the aesthetic value or beauty of jewellery the way others do, she seems to be certain that I am some kind of secret weapon in this department.
On a humourous side-note, my sister Claudia seems to be jealous of the fact that I am my mother’s proclaimed best critic. Claudia thinks she has impeccable taste in fashion, make-up, and jewellery, not that she’s actually said so – I simply assume she believes her taste superior based on observing her constant critique of those with a differing sense of fashion. She probably considers her fashion sense superior due to her emulating the current fashion trends and those that will reveal her curves and skin most flatteringly, thus drawing the most attention to herself that she can get. In this area, Claudia fancies herself an expert like Reese Witherspoon’s character Elle Woods in Legally Blonde, a “Cosmo Girl.” Unfortunately, Claudia does not value the arts or any creative ventures – again, not that she’s actually said so – thus she is useless in matters of art and creativity, especially as a critic, because her primary concern is never about aesthetic beauty or talent, but about profit and gain.
Anyways, on Monday when my head started to feel better I went to the mall and walked around. Though I got some exercise, on a negative note I ate some fast food and drank a Coke. Not that I’m too disappointed with myself – I have rejected much fast food this year and have consumed significantly less Coke than last year, when I was drinking 1-4 cans per day. I spent most my outing at Chapters – my holy temple, besides craft stores and petting zoos – where I bought the book Alice In Wonderland and Philosophy: Curioser and Curioser, edited by Richard Brian Davis. I also bought the magazines Fortean Times and Atlantis Rising, both of which discuss strange phenomena and unexplained mysteries.
So far I read the first chapter of Alice In Wonderland and Philosophy called Unruly Alice: A Feminist View of Some Adventures in Wonderland by Megan S Lloyd, and I also read one chapter of The Wizard of Oz and Philosophy: Wicked Wisdom of the West, edited by Randall E. Auxier and Phillip S. Seng. I read the chapter called When the Wiz Goes Black, Does He Ever Go Back? by Tommy J. Curry, which discusses the 1978 Motown film The Wiz – which I LOVE!
In terms of my goals regarding my bedroom and making it over to turn into an office-by-day, my mom found an armoire for $25! Can you believe that? It is definitely not in the best condition, but a coat of paint will fix that. Unfortunately she bought it on the spur of the moment, and as my bedroom is currently a pile of unsorted and diverse crap, I don’t have anywhere to put the large piece of furniture. It is currently standing in the living room randomly placed facing the kitchen, but generally out of the way of any paths into and out of the room, just not enough to not piss off my dad. As if I don’t already know, as if I can’t see it from where I sit in my usual seat on the living room couch, my dad has been reminding me that I need to clean my room and move the armoire into it. I informed him over and over again that the only reason I have not done so is my painful and debilitating headache. Still, I’m sure he was even less thrilled to learn that I had already started storing some of my belongings inside of it ... just for the time being of course.
Accomplishments:
- went to Mall
- purchased books, as well as craft supplies for Alice In Wonderland crafts
- got exercise at the Mall
- obtained armoire for bedroom
- painted 12 boxes for Mom
- read 1 chapter each from 2 books on philosophy and pop culture
Random Thought:
According to various sources such as Wikipedia, Lewis Carroll suffered from migrains, and some believe these migrains inspired him to write his Alice books. If this is true, given my last headache, I will turn out to be a literary phenomenon!
Given my Fibromyalgia, a condition that involves pain and fatigue which worsens when sufferers do not get enough sleep, you would think that my mother would have the good sense not to wake me at midnight to tell me that LOST is on. One might think that, being my mother and in charge of my care for most of my life, she would know that sleeping through the night would be crucial to my health and wellbeing, and that my health and wellbeing are much more important than getting to watch a new episode of my favourite show on the day it premiers. One might also think that, since she has wakened me in the middle of the night once before and ruined my sleeping pattern once before and thus causing a huge fight, she would remember NOT to wake me up unless it is an emergency! One might also think that she would remember being told that the new episode of LOST is on again a mere 2 days later on another channel, and that even if she did not remember, she would have the good sense to check using the remote control to see when the episode would air again. And of course, last but not least, one might think that my mom would remember my comment about wanting to sleep all through the night.
Dear reader, if you are one of these people, then I regret to inform you that you are so fucking wrong.
At exactly 12 o’clock AM my bedroom door opened and my mother intruded, waking me up to inform me of the time and that LOST was on. As much as she meant well, she added insult to injury by leaving my door open and talking to my cat as loud and annoyingly as she possibly could! Not only was I awake, I was wide awake, and I was furious! I couldn’t get back to sleep for at least 2 and a half hours. She claimed, and still claims this morning, that she and my brother alike both thought that I wanted to be woken at midnight to watch LOST ... EVEN THOUGH I SAID NOTHING OF THE SORT!!!! I tried discussing the matter with her this morning, and very calmly I might add. But when trying to calmly explain the importance of being able to sleep through the night after such a long nocturnal streak, my mom erupted in violent anger as if she was the one whose attempts to better herself were sabotaged.
She screamed about how I wake her frequently, which is untrue, and an unfair comparison. I only wake her in the middle of the night when I am in too much pain and can no longer take it, and I try to wait as long as I possibly can so as not to wake her. I think it should also be noted and strongly taken into consideration that when she gets up to go to the bathroom during the night, I always do my best to keep her awake so that she can get back to bed – you see, she has a long habit of falling asleep on the toilet during the night in uncomfortable positions, ultimately causing her much pain and discomfort the next day. Similarly, I try to keep her awake in front of the TV, and when I cannot, I place a pillow against her neck so that she does not wake up with neck pain. In other words, I think my waking her up occasionally for help is a different and excusable matter compared to her waking me up out of sheer stupidity.
I know this probably sounds awful, but sometimes I get the feeling that my mom subconsciously sabotages my progress towards improving my health and independence, because once I am healthy and independent I will no longer depend on her and can move out and live on my own. Even though I know she loves me and wants me to be happy, sometimes I wonder if her waking me up at midnight and hurting my feelings when I am having a good day with no pain are unconscious ways of keeping me dependent on her so that she will always have me living with her and won’t be lonely. I doubt this is the case though ... even though I get mad at her at times like this, I hate to think these things about her.
Anyways, now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, here’s a little summary of the last few days.
I haven’t written in a few days due to a massive headache that had me incapacitated for about 4 days straight. Needless to say, I have been neglecting my physio exercises during those days. On a more positive note though, I was finally able to shower, and I managed to paint 12 wooden boxes gold for my mom. You see, she’s participating in some kind of sale this weekend where she gets her own booth to sell the jewellery she makes. This is the first time she’s ever been able to display and sell her work, so she’s been working really hard trying to make pieces she thinks people will want to buy, and has enlisted my help in painting the jewellery boxes and designing the business cards.
Oddly Mom has also involved me in the critiquing/evaluating of her work, and this is strange and frequently annoying to me because, though a girl, I despise jewellery. She claims that I am her best critic and that this is because of my dislike of jewellery – she claims that if she can please me, then she knows she did a good job. She says that the one piece she designed that I did like a lot is the piece that the most people have complimented – and not just her fellow-beaders, but friends and strangers alike. Her view now is that I am her best critic – even though I constantly assure her that I don’t see the aesthetic value or beauty of jewellery the way others do, she seems to be certain that I am some kind of secret weapon in this department.
On a humourous side-note, my sister Claudia seems to be jealous of the fact that I am my mother’s proclaimed best critic. Claudia thinks she has impeccable taste in fashion, make-up, and jewellery, not that she’s actually said so – I simply assume she believes her taste superior based on observing her constant critique of those with a differing sense of fashion. She probably considers her fashion sense superior due to her emulating the current fashion trends and those that will reveal her curves and skin most flatteringly, thus drawing the most attention to herself that she can get. In this area, Claudia fancies herself an expert like Reese Witherspoon’s character Elle Woods in Legally Blonde, a “Cosmo Girl.” Unfortunately, Claudia does not value the arts or any creative ventures – again, not that she’s actually said so – thus she is useless in matters of art and creativity, especially as a critic, because her primary concern is never about aesthetic beauty or talent, but about profit and gain.
Anyways, on Monday when my head started to feel better I went to the mall and walked around. Though I got some exercise, on a negative note I ate some fast food and drank a Coke. Not that I’m too disappointed with myself – I have rejected much fast food this year and have consumed significantly less Coke than last year, when I was drinking 1-4 cans per day. I spent most my outing at Chapters – my holy temple, besides craft stores and petting zoos – where I bought the book Alice In Wonderland and Philosophy: Curioser and Curioser, edited by Richard Brian Davis. I also bought the magazines Fortean Times and Atlantis Rising, both of which discuss strange phenomena and unexplained mysteries.
So far I read the first chapter of Alice In Wonderland and Philosophy called Unruly Alice: A Feminist View of Some Adventures in Wonderland by Megan S Lloyd, and I also read one chapter of The Wizard of Oz and Philosophy: Wicked Wisdom of the West, edited by Randall E. Auxier and Phillip S. Seng. I read the chapter called When the Wiz Goes Black, Does He Ever Go Back? by Tommy J. Curry, which discusses the 1978 Motown film The Wiz – which I LOVE!
In terms of my goals regarding my bedroom and making it over to turn into an office-by-day, my mom found an armoire for $25! Can you believe that? It is definitely not in the best condition, but a coat of paint will fix that. Unfortunately she bought it on the spur of the moment, and as my bedroom is currently a pile of unsorted and diverse crap, I don’t have anywhere to put the large piece of furniture. It is currently standing in the living room randomly placed facing the kitchen, but generally out of the way of any paths into and out of the room, just not enough to not piss off my dad. As if I don’t already know, as if I can’t see it from where I sit in my usual seat on the living room couch, my dad has been reminding me that I need to clean my room and move the armoire into it. I informed him over and over again that the only reason I have not done so is my painful and debilitating headache. Still, I’m sure he was even less thrilled to learn that I had already started storing some of my belongings inside of it ... just for the time being of course.
Accomplishments:
- went to Mall
- purchased books, as well as craft supplies for Alice In Wonderland crafts
- got exercise at the Mall
- obtained armoire for bedroom
- painted 12 boxes for Mom
- read 1 chapter each from 2 books on philosophy and pop culture
Random Thought:
According to various sources such as Wikipedia, Lewis Carroll suffered from migrains, and some believe these migrains inspired him to write his Alice books. If this is true, given my last headache, I will turn out to be a literary phenomenon!
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