My Amazon.com Review of "Emotional Vampires"

The following is my review of the book Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry by Albert J. Bernstein Ph.D. I gave the book 1/5 stars.

Insulting, Ignorant, and Arrogant

The only way I was able to gain insight from this book is by taking it with a grain of salt. I started becoming sceptical of the claims in this book when I read the following statement on page 97:

“Histrionic vampires invented sexual harassment, both doing it and suing for it.”

This is unbelievably offensive to anyone who has ever been sexually harassed, which is considered a form of abuse. This claim is similar to the myth that victims of rape were “asking for it.”

Apart from making such offensive statements, the author also insults various professions. For example, in the chapter on Narcissism, he states on page 146-147:

“To begin with, the process is called ‘creativity’ only when it generates ideas that are useful, convenient, and cost-effective. The rest of the time it’s called ‘being weird’ or ‘having a bad attitude’ ... Creativity means seeing things differently than other people, and it means believing that your vision is better than what’s already there. Nothing could be more insensitive, irreverent, annoying, threatening, and well, Narcissistic.”

To the Albert J. Bernstein, everyone in the creative professions such as artists, inventors, and writers are narcissists. Not only is his definition of creativity full of errors – for example, lots of talented, creative people such as Agatha Christie and Vincent Van Gogh actually think their work isn’t any good – but the Narcissists I’ve known were the LEAST creative people in the world! They spent more time trying to project an image that society would accept and admire judging the quality of things by the standards of society, and criticizing anything unique and creative than actually doing or developing anything creative.

If I had to guess, I would say that this author is either jealous of people in the professions he criticises, or deeply misunderstands them and has no desire to truly understand them, and thus feels the need to “diagnose” them.

Other than the occasional advice on how to respond to “emotional vampires,” I think the best thing about this book is the illustrations – I would like to see more of the artist’s work, but oddly I cannot find the name of the illustrator anywhere in the book. Could this be due to Dr. Albert J. Bernstein’s obvious dislike of creative people?

2011 New Year's Resolutions

Okay, the following is my new list of New Year's Resolutions for 2011, and I plan to record the progress of my following these goals right here on The Lonely Sock! Here goes:

1. Have Fun!

 Everyday, read the entry from The Almanac of the Infamous, The Incredible, and The Ignored by Juanita Rose Violini.

 Everyday, read the entry from This Book Will Change Your Life by Benrik, and actually attempt as many tasks as possible!
--> Record progress on blog and join Benrik cult!

 Go to a different restaurant, cafe, or bar, every 1-2 weeks!
--> Record progress on blog and evaluate restaurants.

2. Improve Fibromyalgia – Become Physically Independent!

 Exercise daily, mostly with Wii Fit or other Nintendo Wii exercise programs.

 Abstain from Fast Food, Soft Drinks, Candy, and other Junk Food.

3. Be Creative!

 Complete 1st issue of magazine.
 Make crafts using reused and recycled materials.
--> Post pictures of all on blog along with instructions
 Design, sew, and paint original clothes.
--> Post all clothes on blog.

4. Read More!

 Record books or essays read on blog and briefly discuss/review.
 Record all books I plan to read on blog.

The White Rabbit and the Call To Adventure

Today I wanted to talk about something that has eluded me for a long time, something I have been following and trying to understand for quite some time now – the White Rabbit!

Okay, I haven’t literally been following him, and it’s not so much him that I am trying to understand; I am trying to understand the deeper meaning of Lewis Carroll’s Alice stories – Alice’s Adventures In Wonderland and Alice Through The Looking Glass. They seem to be children’s stories, and yet I feel that they must be so much more than that, and isn’t that how it is with all “children’s” stories – they appear to be simple and straightforward and yet underneath they are so much more than what they seem? Putting it in those words, it’s almost as if the children’s stores are the White Rabbit – they appear to be simple, common, and un-noteworthy and yet to the trained eye there are clues that there is something waiting to be discovered beneath the surface!

I’d like to discuss here, my theories about the significance of the White Rabbit in this particular story, and compare him to similar figures in other stories. To begin with, I will start by discussing just who the White Rabbit is in what Joseph Campbell would call, the Monomyth.

Perhaps I should take a detour here and define the Monomyth. The most basic way I can explain the Monomyth, is this:

Think of the Monomyth as the skeleton that every story has in common. If you took every story ever written and stripped it down to its most basic elements and compared them, you would see that each story is actually the same story, just retold with a new spin. Kind of like how The Wiz is the African American version of The Wizard of Oz, and how Star Wars is actually a science fiction version of Lord Of the Rings. The bare bones of every story, and thus the elements they all have in common make up the Monomyth.

For further information on the Monomyth, visit the following Wikipedia page:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monomyth

or read some of the works discussed on the page by Joseph Campbell such as The Hero With A Thousand Faces. Reading about Jungian archetypes will help too!

So now that we have that out of the way, I would like to draw your attention to an important part of the Monomyth, and that is the “call to adventure.” This is summed up on the Wikipedia page as the following:

“The hero starts off in a mundane situation of normality from which some information is received that acts as a call to head off into the unknown.”

In other words, for Joseph Campbell, the call to adventure in all stories has the following:

- hero going about his or her usual business / daily routine
- hero experiencing boredom in that routine
- hero receives information from elsewhere
- information sparks curiosity in outside world of unknown
- discovering unknown seems better than current boredom
- curiosity drives hero to leave current boring situation

This describes exactly what Alice experienced in Chapter 1: Down The Rabbit Hole! The opening paragraph shows our hero Alice in a very mundane situation:

“Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, `and what is the use of a book,' thought Alice `without pictures or conversation?'

So she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could, for the hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her.” (Alice In Wonderland page 1-2)

Let’s take a break and look at what corresponds to Campbell’s call to adventure so far:

- hero going about his or her usual business / daily routine ...... check!
- hero experiencing boredom in that routine ................................ check!

Let’s continue:

“There was nothing so VERY remarkable in that; nor did Alice think it so VERY much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, `Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!' (when she thought it over afterwards, it occurred to her that she ought to have wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually TOOK A WATCH OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT- POCKET, and looked at it, and then hurried on, Alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.

In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again.” (Alice In Wonderland page 2)

Now let’s see if this fulfills any of the other characteristics of the call to adventure on our list:

- hero receives information from elsewhere .......................................... check!
- information sparks curiosity in outside world of unknown ............. check!
- discovering unknown seems better than current boredom .............. check!
- curiosity drives hero to leave current boring situation ...................... check!

So, we can definitely see that what Alice experiences in Down the Rabbit Hole corresponds to what Campbell calls the call to adventure, and likewise, the White Rabbit corresponds to what Campbell calls the “herald” or the character who calls the hero to adventure.

It may appear that the White Rabbit is not literally calling Alice to follow him – in fact, he appears completely oblivious to the fact that he has sparked her curiosity! But let’s look at what exactly a herald is. A herald can literally mean:

- A messenger, especially one bringing important news
- A harbinger, giving signs of things to come

Keeping these things in mind, let’s look at what Campbell actually says about the herald:

"The herald or announcer of the adventure, therefore, is often dark, loathly, or terrifying, judged evil by the world; yet if one could follow, the way would be opened through the walls of day into the dark where the jewels glow. Or the herald is a beast (as in the fairy tale), representative of the repressed instinctual fecundity within ourselves, or again a veiled mysterious figure – the unknown." (The Hero With A Thousand Faces - page 53)

The White Rabbit is definitely a fairy tale beast, but also a mysterious figure who represents the unknown, and this is what it is about him that draws Alice away from her mundane world – the indication that people and things are different elsewhere and that there is a whole different world yet to be discovered!

If we examine some images of the White Rabbit, we see more evidence of his role as a herald who calls the hero to adventure. For example, when we first meet the White Rabbit, he is dressed in very human attire and looking at his watch – a sort of prop that he has become known for carrying. The first words that Alice hears him speak are a declaration that he is shall be late if he does not hurry ...



it is very likely that Alice not only wondered what he would be late for, and whether it was something very important, but also if it was not something she would feel sorry for missing.
To me, the White Rabbit appearing in this way, passing Alice by is a reminder that time is passing us by ...



... and that if we do not heed the warning that it is getting later and later, we will soon find our lives have passed us by. In this sense, the White Rabbit could represent time passing us by, but also life passing us by. If this is the case, the White Rabbit is certainly a messenger, and certainly brings signs of things to come. He acts as a Memento Mori - a reminder that one day we will all die.

To illustrate my point, I would like to compare this appearance of the White Rabbit to another famous character who has given us just the same warning:




Anyone who has ever seen Ferris Bueller’s Day Off would probably agree that the title character is all about the call to adventure, and knows that he literally lures his friends away from their mundane routine high school day by convincing them to skip class for a day and go out on the town! Ferris knows that life moves pretty fast, and he doesn’t want his friends to miss it either. Though Ferris is the hero of his story, he too is the herald!

You can see in the following clip that Ferris literally calls his friend Cameron Frye to adventure – although he calls him on the phone, I’m sure you get the picture. Cameron demonstrates what often happens initially when the call is received – "the refusal of the call."




Not all stories involve a refusal, however, and from the paragraph quotes above we can see that Alice certainly didn’t refuse. But I showed this clip of one herald physically calling another person to adventure to explain how I see another image of the White Rabbit.

Though the White Rabbit was not trying to call Alice to follow him in the first place, and Alice has already accepted the adventure at this point in the story, this illustration of the White Rabbit blowing a horn actually appears to be a call. It is as if he is blowing the horn to call us or get our attention and holding out the scroll to indicate that he has a message for us. For this reason, I think this image visually indicates that the White Rabbit is a sort of herald, a messenger, perhaps giving signs of things to come.

Joseph Campbell has more to say about the herald who calls the hero to adventure:

“Whether dream or myth, in these adventures there is an atmosphere of irresistible fascination about the figure that appears suddenly as guide, marking a new period, a new stage, in the biography. That which has to be faced, and is somehow profoundly familiar to the unconscious – though unknown, surprising, and even frightening to the conscious personality – makes itself known ...” (The Hero With A Thousand Faces page 55)



I found this to be a very enlightening quote. The herald is often something very intriguing, irresistible, and enigmatic. After all, look at this picture of the White Rabbit ... isn’t he mysterious? Don’t you just want to follow him into the dark ... wherever he might be going?

So, while a big point I’m trying to make is that the White Rabbit and many other figures like him in literature act as a herald calling the hero to adventure, I want to put forth some more theories as to what I think this means. As I stated above, I think the herald in this case can often be a Memento Mori – a reminder that life is short and time is constantly moving forward. The White Rabbit may be a more obvious Memento Mori as he actually carries a watch, but perhaps there are similar less obvious heralds who remind us that the clock is ticking ...

Remember this handsome devil from Peter Pan? This is the crocodile who chased Captain Hook ever since he swallowed his severed hand. Hook’s arch-enemy Peter Pan cut off his hand in a duel and threw it to the crocodile, who liked the taste of Hook’s hand so much that he followed him ever since, “licking his lips” for the rest of him! Luckily, this croc swallowed, of all things, a clock! So, even though Hook is terrified of the crocodile, he is warned every time he hears the ticking of the clock that the crocodile is approaching.

It’s interesting isn’t it? Like the White Rabbit who carries a watch in his coat pocket, the crocodile sort of carries a clock in his belly, except that we see the White Rabbit’s watch and can only hear the crocodile’s clock. The message is still the same. Since the ticking accompanies the approach of the crock, when Hook hears the ticking he literally fears his own time running out and death approaching! As with the White Rabbit, the ticking clock is again a reminder that life is short and will one day end, and yet Hook doesn’t take this as a sign, or a message to act. Instead it paralyzes him with fear and drives him to seek revenge against someone who, coincidentally, will never have to experience the feeling of aging and life passing him by. It seems Hook misunderstands that his mortality and aging are reasons to live, but thinks instead that these are reasons to be angry and takes out his anger on the young who have more time.

So perhaps for Captain Hook, the crocodile could play the role of the herald, calling him to adventure and to live. And Campbell did say that the herald “is often dark, loathly, or terrifying, judged evil by the world ..." He too acts as a Memento Mori, but while the White Rabbit may be a Memento Mori that represents life and life passing by, perhaps the crocodile represents the opposite – the approach of death.

That said, I think the more obvious herald in Peter Pan is Peter Pan himself! Visually, he is a counterpart to the crocodile in that the crocodile is green and Peter is the only other character who wears green. Peter wears green because he is dressed in leaves, perhaps representing his close ties with nature, while the crocodile is an animal and thus a part of nature. We may be tempted to think of the crocodile as evil in comparison to Peter, but both do seem to be allies against Captain Hook, and I do think there is a very iconic scene in which Peter too becomes associated with a clock:

I think Peter Pan as a herald is a good example of another aspect of the call to adventure that the White Rabbit – and even Ferris Bueller – represent. This is the call to be "open to experience".

According to good old Wikipedia, Openness To Experience is one of five major domains used to describe human personality, and consists of "active imagination, aesthetic sensitivity, attentiveness to inner feelings, preference for variety, and intellectual curiosity.”

“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Openness_to_experience

An active imagination ...?
Curiosity ...?
A preference for variety ...?

Weren’t these the traits that Alice had? Were they not also the traits that Wendy had?

Wikipedia explains further that “people who score low on openness are considered to be closed to experience. They tend to be conventional and traditional in their outlook and behavior. They prefer familiar routines to new experiences, and generally have a narrower range of interests.”

Preferring familiar routines? I’m sorry, but this is just not what the call to adventure is all about! Something tells me that people who are “closed to experience” don’t see White Rabbits go by or ask their mothers to leave their nursery windows open so that a strange boy can come back!


Maybe that's what's so important about keeping the nursery window open in the first place ... maybe it isn't really the nursery window we are keeping open, but our hearts and minds! Peter could only enter the nursery windows that were open, and so perhaps to keep the window open, is to keep your mind and heart open to adventure so that when the herald arrives, he knows that you are one of the very few who are ready or can even recognise the oportunity for adventure in the first place!

The open window, is the sign welcoming invitation that you will let him in so that he can show you all sorts of new possibilities ...



According to Wikipedia, there are 6 elements of openness to experience:

1.Fantasy - the tendency toward a vivid imagination and fantasy life.
2.Aesthetics - the tendency to appreciate art, music, and poetry.
3.Feelings - being receptive to inner emotional states and valuing emotional experience.
4.Actions - the inclination to try new activities, visit new places, and try new foods.
5.Ideas - the tendency to be intellectually curious and open to new ideas.
6.Values - the readiness to re-examine traditional social, religious, and political values.

Openness corelates to creativity, and interestingly, "there are social and political implications to this personality trait. People who are highly open to experience tend to be politically liberal and tolerant of diversity. As a consequence, they are generally more open to different cultures and lifestyles. They are lower in ethnocentrism and right-wing authoritarianism."

I think the above excerpts from Wikipedia allow us to see a common bond between the people who get called to adventure – or at least the people who accept the call without refusing. They are all people who are open to being called, of experiencing a new world with new rules, and maybe getting to experience another society or culture! Furthermore, they are all able to imagine that such unique places may exist, and more importantly, are not arrogant enough to assume that their world is better than anything that may differ from it!

Another great demonstration of how being open to experience is necessary in order for the herald to call the hero to adventure is in the lyrics to Bob Dylan’s Mr. Tambourine Man. I realize that many are convinced that Mr. Tambourine Man is simply about a drug, either marijuana or LSD, and that perhaps the Tambourine Man is the drug itself, or the drug dealer! But I have another theory, and I’m sticking to it:

The Tambourine Man is the White Rabbit, Peter Pan, the herald whom the hero must follow in order to leave the mundane, routine world, and the invitation to play a song corresponds to keeping the nursery window open! It is the indication by the hero that the hero is open to experience, and thus ready to accept the herald’s call to leave. Still not convinced? Look at the following lyrics:

Take me on a trip upon your magic swirlin’ ship
My senses have been stripped, my hands can’t feel to grip
My toes too numb to step
Wait only for my boot heels to be wanderin’
I’m ready to go anywhere, I’m ready for to fade
Into my own parade, cast your dancing spell my way
I promise to go under it

http://www.bobdylan.com/#/songs/mr-tambourine-man

Of course these are only some of the lyrics. The rest of the lyrics can practically tell an adventure story! While some think the words “take me on a trip,” “senses have been stripped,” and “smoke rings of my mind” indicate that the song is about a drug-induced hallucination, I would like to point out that the Wikipedia page about the Monomyth states that Bob Dylan is one of many artists influenced by the Monomyth – therefore, though the page does not cite this specific work by Dylan, I think it makes perfect sense for listeners to hear this song as an indication of openness to experience and a call to adventure.

The last verses of this song struck me as very interesting, and reminded me of another adventure story I know. The verse is as follows:

Then take me disappearin’ through the smoke rings of my mind
Down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves
The haunted, frightened trees, out to the windy beach
Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow
Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free
Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands
With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves
Let me forget about today until tomorrow

While references to a windy beach, haunted trees, a diamond sky, and a sea and waves could easily remind me again of Alice’s Wonderland and Peter’s Neverland it reminded me of another mysterious land – a mysterious island to be specific, complete with foggy ruins and smoke rings ...

Yes, of course I am talking about the mysterious island of ABC’s LOST! While this show begins as a show about the survivors of a plane crash who land on a strange island and must learn to survive and get along with each other, it turns into a story about each character sorting out their baggage. Perhaps this is why we literally see characters sorting through the plane’s luggage in one of the first episodes!

In another of the very first episodes, we see that one of the main characters experiences a vision – a vision of someone in his life who has recently died.

This episode is appropriately entitled The White Rabbit, and when Dr. Jack Shepherd confesses to seeing and following a vision of his recently deceased father to a man named John, John replies, “You’re chasing the White Rabbit!”

At first Jack is confused by this statement, so John asks him if he is familiar with the Alice stories. Coincidentally, Jack replies that his father used to read him the Alice stories when he was a child. Now it would appear that his father is the White Rabbit, and Jack is Alice in a bizarre Wonderland.

This picture is very similar to the picture of the White Rabbit with his back turned to us, but walking on into the dark in such a way that the viewer feels compelled to follow!

SPOILER ALERT for those who have not seen LOST and plan to. For those who have seen all 6 seasons of LOST or do not care to have secrets revealed, by all means, read ahead!

Those of you who have seen all 6 seasons of LOST know that Dr. Jack Shepherd had a relative on the island with him who, unbeknownst to him, happened to be his half sister, sharing the same father. So, it would seem that, since Jack’s father appeared to him, he might just appear to his other child as well ... and he did! Claire Littleton is Jack Shepherd’s half sister, and with her long blond hair and youthful appearance, doesn’t she just remind you of Alice?

It makes sense that he would appear to her, driving the point home that he is the White Rabbit on this show – or at least one of many, for there are many heroes who each experience a call from a herald unique to them. Nevertheless, it makes sense that someone referred to as a White Rabbit would appear to someone so Alice-like while she was asleep. And wouldn’t you know it? She disappears after she sees him!

Again, those of you who have seen all 6 seasons of LOST know why Christian Shepherd has appeared to his son Jack and daughter Claire - because he isn’t Christian Shepherd ... he’s the smoke monster in disguise!


Yes, this supposedly human man is actually a manifestation of the mysterious devil-like villain that inhabits the island. Most of the survivors of Oceanic 815 and other inhabitants of the island have witnessed this creature, whom most refer to as "the monster". It usually appears as a cloud of black smoke that shoots around the island at will, often in a slithering manner like a snake and making what another character referred to as a “ticka ticka sound.”

So, keeping this in mind, can the apparition of Christian Shepherd, or the Smoke Monster in disguise, count as a White Rabbit, a herald calling the characters to adventure? After all, devout viewers can see that this creature is evil and has actually murdered other characters. Certainly he cannot be the same as the White Rabbit can he?

My answer to this? Yes and No. No, he is not the same as the White Rabbit. The White Rabbit was not evil, even if his appearance to Alice may have caused her to have an accident and fall down a large hole into a sort of underworld ... If anything, the villain in Wonderland might be the Queen of Hearts, although Alice seems to experience many other threats from various other characters ... but the White Rabbit doesn’t seem to be one of them. So what’s going on here?

Well, the Smoke Monster is not the same as the White Rabbit in that his only role is the herald during the call to adventure – the Smoke Monster also plays the role of the villain. This is sort of the opposite of how Ferris Bueller played the role of both the herald and the hero – Smoky here is both the herald and the villain. The White Rabbit is only the herald. So I think what's important here is that the herald is not always a good guy, and can serve more than one function, play more than one role, even if that role is the villain. If it is the villain, this does not mean he should not be followed. Often the villains can be the one to draw the hero into the adventure and the hero returns home better for having gone on his/her journey!

LOST has a lot of references to Alice In Wonderland and Alice Through the Looking Glass, and there are many other characters who seem to play the same role as Alice, being led, and characters who play the same role as the White Rabbit, doing the leading. But another story to which LOST is similar is the previously mentioned Peter Pan. A mysterious island that characters have to fly to? And again, notice how the slithering Smoke Monster happens to make a ticking noise ... similar to a certain crocodile on another island!

Lastly, to prove my point about how the herald can often be a villain – or at least be vilified by those who misinterpret the story – I would like to point out how similar the island on LOST actually is to the Garden of Eden, and the Smoke Monster to the serpent.

First, recall how difficult the island is to find and how it is protected by Jacob – humans were actually banished from the Garden of Eden and it was then guarded by the angel Uriel. The Smoke Monster who often leads others is a slithering creature who claims that Jacob’s rules are not really making a difference or protecting anyone or anything. The serpent similarly reveals to Eve that God’s forbidding the fruit of knowledge is actually meant to keep them ignorant and powerless, which would trap them in the garden and keep them from gaining knowledge. A character named Desmond experiences a similar state of imprisonment for a reason he is eventually tempted to test. Like Adam and Eve, he too must suffer the consequences afterwards.

I think the similarities between the serpent and the Smoke Monster demonstrate that the serpent too is another herald, a White Rabbit, who literally tempts another to break a rule out of pure curiosity. And what is the result? Some might say punishment, and fall from grace ... Really? A fall from grace? That sounds very shameful, and yet Alice didn’t seem to feel ashamed after falling down the rabbit hole...? Wasn’t that a similar fall? It took place in a sort of garden and she was led by an animal ... a talking one for that matter! This depiction of the story is interesting because the serpent is very human, and there is an owl perched on the tree ... owls often symbolize wisdom! Owls were one of the symbols of Athena, the goddess of Wisdom. When you put it in these terms, the fruit of knowledge seems like more of a gift than a curse.

Let’s be realistic here! A hero never accepts a quest from a herald without eventually gaining something, even if the herald is actually the villain! And what do the heroes usually gain? Knowledge! Look at this depiction of Eve with the serpent beneath the Tree of Knowledge - doesn't it look like she knows something you don't? Maybe like she's smarter than you ...?

This said, I’d like to propose a new way of seeing the banishment from the Garden of Eden – not as due to the breaking of a rule or a terrible crime, of disobeying God or being tempted by an evil, devilish serpent – but as the reception of knowledge, wisdom, and logic that comes with adulthood. Eventually, we all reach puberty (eat the fruit), become more aware of our bodies (realize we are naked), and it’s probably around this time that most of us start questioning our parents’ rules (that if we eat the fruit we will die). Disobeying them can have negative consequences (pain during labour) – any decision can. But we can also learn that we are old enough to make our own decisions and solve any problems (nudity) that result from them! Once we can solve our own problems and use the resources around us to do so, we have reached maturity, and no longer need the security and safety of our parents’ house (Garden of Eden).
This is not a bad thing. It appears to be a rejection, and it appears that certain consequences such as pain during labour are an actual punishment. But what if they are just some of the things we can expect to happen now that we are grown up? What if they are just some more problems that we might encounter that require some experimentation with the earth’s natural resources in order to be solved?
If we think about it in these terms, it’s almost as if eating the fruit of knowledge represents the first scientific discovery, and thus leads to the first invention – clothing! Looking at it this way, I just can’t see the serpent as the bad guy. To view the serpent as the villain would mean to always view the herald as the villain, and the whole adventure of discovery and openness to experience as evil! If we all view things this way, we will never fall down rabbit holes, go on adventures, learn things we didn't know about the world, learn things we didn't know about ourselves, and come back as better, wiser people! Maybe this is what is so intriguing about the White Rabbit, and all of the heralds in every story ... they all remind us of the serpent in the Garden of Eden, and they all make us wonder if they can really be trusted. But maybe that's just because the herald is always something or someone that seems so small and unimportant and it feels strange that something so small can be responsible for something so big - for having such a big effect on someone else's life ...

The Cover of The Purity Myth and The Cover of Twilight - Why Are They So Similar?

I don’t have a lot of time for a long entry today, but I wanted to discuss something.

I’ve been spending a lot of time reading lately, and one of the books I’ve skimmed through is called The Purity Myth by Jessica Valenti.

This book states – and I totally agree – that obsession with virginity and pressure of abstinence is actually hurting girls and women, and that the beliefs taught and encouraged about sex, virginity, and abstinence are sexist, dangerous, unrealistic, and unnatural.

While skimming through the book, I noticed something about the cover, particularly its similarity to some other books on my shelf ... books that I regretted buying after reading:

If you are to compare the covers of the first two books in The Twilight Saga, published in 2005 and 2006 to the cover of The Purity Myth, published in 2009, you will see a striking resemblance. And what a coincidence: it just so happens that The Twilight Saga is practically abstinence propaganda, ultimately preaches sexism, and promotes and condones abusive, controlling behaviour of men towards their partners! This is exactly the kind of thing that Valenti discusses in The Purity Myth.

I have not yet read the complete book, but do you think it’s possible that Valenti (or the publishers or cover artist) is implying that The Twilight Saga is part of this culture of dangerous teachings about sex, sexuality, and men’s control of women’s sexuality?

Let’s look at some similarities between the book covers:

- All three books have a black background, perhaps representing the night sky, alluding to the traditional time when vampires walk about and sex takes place, as well as when vampires and sexual predators is thought to be a threat.

- All three books have a similar, almost identical font in which the titles are printed in all lower case letters and the names of the authors are written in all upper case letters.

- All three books have a white font against the black background, though the actual titles of the Twilight books appear to be more in metallic silver when they reflect the light.

- The cover of Twilight features pale arms holding out a red apple with a visible stem, while the cover of The Purity Myth features two daisies with long stems, one complete with petals and one empty of petals.
The apple on the cover of Twilight alludes to the Judeo/Christian story of creation in Genesis, in which the first woman was tempted to eat an apple that was forbidden as it would lead to her death. While the apple in that story seemed to represent knowledge, it is often associated with sex and thought to be a metaphor implying that human sexuality is harmful and a sin. This makes sense as in Genesis, when Adam and Eve ate the apple, they noticed immediately after for the first time that they were naked and felt ashamed of their nakedness, whereas before they were completely innocent and had no guilt about their nudity. The cover of Twilight alludes to Adam supposedly being tempted to eat the apple by Eve, as the hands on the cover are holding out the apple to the potential reader in a similarly tempting way, and perhaps there is meant to be an implied threat of the loss of innocence if the apple is accepted.

Similarly, the daisies on the cover of The Purity Myth can be used to symbolise sex like the forbidden fruit, as flowers too are plucked like fruit. Furthermore, one daisy is shown with not just a plucked stem, but plucked petals. It is probably no coincidence that daisies are symbolic of innocence, much like the un-plucked, un-bitten apple, and thus we can assume that the complete daisy represents innocence while the plucked daisy with plucked petals represents a loss of innocence like a plucked, bitten apple.

- The Purity Myth features a flower, as does New Moon, most likely a reference to the expression “deflower” used to refer to the penis breaking the hymen during a woman’s first time with intercourse. The term implies that something beautiful is being taken away from the woman by the man, and you will notice that the flower on the cover of New Moon appears to be in tact save for a tiny petal that has fallen. This may in fact allude to a piece of abstinence propaganda that takes place in some schools, in which a teacher displays a flower explaining that the flower represents the student, and proceeds to pluck petals one by one explaining that each time the student engages in premarital intercourse, the student is giving away or losing a petal to their partner. The analogy then goes that by the time the student is ready for marriage, she (probably not he) does not have a complete flower to give to her spouse, and the flower the teacher holds is most likely empty of petals. This doctrine implies that each time a girl (usually not a boy) has premarital sex part of herself is being taken away from her and that when she has sex during marriage her aim is to give herself to her husband, symbolically presenting him with a complete flower. Students are meant to consider whether they would rather give a complete, beautiful flower with many petals or a bare stem, and thus to conclude that it is a greater gift to wait till marriage to have sex and give themselves completely to their spouses. Thus the flower with a single red petal falling on the New Moon cover implies a threat of loss of virginity before marriage and the threat of many more petals lost, and thus the two flowers used in the classroom analogy are present on the cover of The Purity Myth – one that has not yet lost any petals and one that has gone through the complete plucking process.

I find this to be a very disturbing aspect of abstinence dogma. Though breaking the hymen can occur during the first time a woman engages in sex, no sexual act actually takes away the human body or necessarily takes away the sense of self, and this dogma teaches girls that it does. Not only does it teach girls that they will lose themselves slowly with each partner, but it teaches that they are giving their partners ownership of their bodies and thus losing more ownership and autonomy with each act of sex and each new partner. What’s worse is that it teaches that marriage is actually the complete loss of a woman’s ownership of her self and autonomy in a single instance – not even gradually over time! At least with premarital sex, the girl got to keep her stem; with marriage she loses the entire flower! If you ask me this makes marriage much less appealing than premarital sex with more than one partner!

The cover of The Purity Myth alludes to this abstinence propaganda analogy, and perhaps helps us to see that the cover of New Moon may be meant to allude to this analogy but to validate rather than debunk it. After all, the falling red petal resembles a falling drop of blood, so the loss of this petal implies some sort of threat to the safety of the flower, and isn’t that just a perfect symbol of The Twilight Saga? For in most vampire stories, the act of vampirism is a metaphor for sex and, in this series, the vampire Edward’s compulsion to and refraining from attacking Bella reflects and occurs alongside his compulsion to and refraining from engaging in premarital sex with her.
When it is finally debated and agreed upon that Edward will engage in vampirism with Bella in order to make her a vampire – which is not fully her decision or even his, but rather the subject of a vote by Edward’s vampire family – he says that he will only do it on the condition that she marry him first, further connecting the act of vampirism to sex. So, not only is this sex-like act purposely going to take place only after marriage along with their first time with intercourse, but this sex-like act will actually be taking away something from the woman – her human body and life!

No wonder the cover of The Purity Myth alludes to the covers of books in The Twilight Saga. The cover of The Purity Myth alone reveals a doctrine in The Twilight Saga that is ultimately harmful to girls and women.

Message from Twilight: Ladies, expect a man who really loves you to make any important decisions for you and be incredibly controlling while lacking appropriate boundaries. Let him get away with things that normal people like friends and family should not get away with, and expect that he cannot control his impulses to sleep with you (and thus give you some terrible disease that will kill you) because he is naturally more sexual, strong, and impulsive than you and should not necessarily be expected to control himself. Expect that when you marry him it will be okay for him to do any of these things to you because that is just what husbands and wives do, and don’t feel bad about any feeling of losing yourself once you are married because you are now an extension of him.

Message from The Purity Myth: Basically, the above message from Twilight is complete bullshit. Men and women are just as sexual, just as sexually active, though everybody has a different libido and sexuality is as diverse as people are diverse. Every individual has the right to control their own sexuality and decide for themselves when to have sex and who to have sex with. Proper education of sexually transmitted diseases and contraception is vital and more effective than misinformation and damaging propaganda that promotes controlling and abusive behaviour in men and submission and acceptance of such behaviour from women. Men who are dating women should be expected to maintain just as many boundaries as anyone else in the woman’s life, and should maintain the boundaries they would like others to maintain in their lives. Even after marriage these boundaries are important. After marriage, nobody owns anyone or anyone’s sexuality.

The Week In Review

Dear Potential Lonely Sock Fans,

The last week hasn’t been too bad. Pain-wise, it has been pretty bad though. But energy-wise, I did pretty well. I cheated, of course, and used Hydroxycut for most of my energy, but it’s better than spending 24 hours a day in bed. It keeps me awake during most of the day and can give me a boost of energy when I need to get ready to go out, so critics of my methods can kiss my ass.

So, to recap, this has been my week:

On Monday May 3 I went to the mall and was on my feet for 2 hours, so I got some exercise that day. I also picked up the book Alice In Wonderland and Philosophy: Curioser and Curioser, as well as the magazines The Fortean Times and Atlantis Rising. At a dollar store I picked up 3 wooden mortar and pestles, 3 teacups and saucers that will be “mad” tea cups when I’m done with them, and 4 vinegar jars that will be used for potion bottles and “drink me” bottles for my Alice In Wonderland crafts. Unfortunately, that day I had some A&W and a coke – I can’t help it when I’m at the mall.
On Tuesday I continued my unhealthy diet by eating Burger King and drinking 2 cokes.
On Wednesday I went to Wal Mart and walked for about 40 minutes, so I got some more exercise that day. I also bought some craft supplies – what else is new right? – and I purchased an extremely heavy 9-cube organizer that turned out to be too big for its planned location. If I return it I know it will be a hassle, but if I keep it, will it just add to the clutter?
On Thursday I tried to clean my room for about 40 minutes to an hour, which I consider to be exercise – you would too if you saw how cluttered my room is.
Again, on Friday I cleaned for about 40 minutes and enlisted my dad’s help in moving the armoire out of the living room into my bedroom, only to find out that the armoire is about 2-3 inches too wide and that my dad is a stubborn pain-in-the-ass who thinks he knows everything.
On Saturday Dad reluctantly took me to a grocery store, because if I don’t buy some food for myself he certainly won’t. I got to walk around for what I will count as 10 minutes of aerobic exercise. That night I sat down to watch Avatar with my mom and brother, but unfortunately I was far too tired to get through the first half hour. I will try to watch it tomorrow though.
Sunday was probably the highlight of my week. I went with my Mom and Dad to Colasanti’s. I love going there! I love looking around, playing a couple of arcade games, and spending time feeding animals in the petting zoo. I usually play Ski Ball and I give whatever tickets I win to a little kid as the prizes aren’t particularly appealing to an adult, and could probably be purchased for less than a dollar if truly desired. Still, kids would find it rewarding to win a prize, so sometimes I find a small kid with only few tickets, sometimes none, and this time a chose to give my tickets to a little girl who offered to hand me the balls like an assistant while I played. Later I got to feed a pig who seemed pleased to have her back scratched, and I got to speak to a white cockatiel who always seems to flirt with me every time I go there. I walked around a lot that day too, and had extreme pain in my legs that night.

Yesterday I did very little, except win a Chess game against my computer, but today I painted again. Though I wasn’t in too much pain, for some reason I had a lot of trouble tolerating it. I’m starting to realize that painting and doing my crafts is actually causing pain, probably because of all the bending over, which I think led to my 4-day long headache last week. I think I’ll have to take it easy tomorrow. Still, I’m happy with how 2 items are turning out. I am almost done painting a sign which reads, “The Mad Tea Room” and am almost done painting a box that will read “Eat Me.” I am still in the process of painting a small book that will be entitled “Jabberwocky” and a box that will be labelled “Tea” or “Mad Tea” that will be painted the same colours the Hatter is wearing in the John Tenniel illustrations of Alice In Wonderland. I’ll try to have pictures of my work up soon.
Even though I had a satisfying day today, I have to admit that doing crafts keeps me up WAY too late at night even if I do start early in the day. And I get WAY too tired to clean up the kitchen table at 3:30 in the morning.

Tomorrow I will try to take a shower, watch Avatar, and have a relaxing day. On Thursday I have an acupuncture appointment, which I am hoping will help me tremendously with my pain. For the next month or so, I am going to have weekly acupuncture appointments, and I will keep you posted about whether or not they improve my condition.

Now to clean up the damn painting supplies ...

Random Thought: I just noticed that the word PAINT has the word PAIN in it ... coincidence?

Headaches, Outings and Parental Friction

So far today, I am a little pissed off. For the previous 2 nights I was able to sleep almost all the way through, which seems to have given me more energy and less pain than usual, when I am nocturnal. Now, yesterday in the evening I started to feel very achy and tired and went to lie down. I commented to my mom – who has a VERY poor memory – that I did not want to sleep for fear that I would wake in the middle of the night without being able to get back to sleep, thus ruining my sleeping pattern once again. I wanted to try to remain awake to watch LOST, my absolute favourite show, but I realised I could not enjoy it in my current achy, tired state, and went to bed. I knew that, if I did wake in the middle of the night it would be on at 12:00 A.M., and if I managed to sleep through, I could simply watch it again on Thursday night on SPACE.
Given my Fibromyalgia, a condition that involves pain and fatigue which worsens when sufferers do not get enough sleep, you would think that my mother would have the good sense not to wake me at midnight to tell me that LOST is on. One might think that, being my mother and in charge of my care for most of my life, she would know that sleeping through the night would be crucial to my health and wellbeing, and that my health and wellbeing are much more important than getting to watch a new episode of my favourite show on the day it premiers. One might also think that, since she has wakened me in the middle of the night once before and ruined my sleeping pattern once before and thus causing a huge fight, she would remember NOT to wake me up unless it is an emergency! One might also think that she would remember being told that the new episode of LOST is on again a mere 2 days later on another channel, and that even if she did not remember, she would have the good sense to check using the remote control to see when the episode would air again. And of course, last but not least, one might think that my mom would remember my comment about wanting to sleep all through the night.
Dear reader, if you are one of these people, then I regret to inform you that you are so fucking wrong.
At exactly 12 o’clock AM my bedroom door opened and my mother intruded, waking me up to inform me of the time and that LOST was on. As much as she meant well, she added insult to injury by leaving my door open and talking to my cat as loud and annoyingly as she possibly could! Not only was I awake, I was wide awake, and I was furious! I couldn’t get back to sleep for at least 2 and a half hours. She claimed, and still claims this morning, that she and my brother alike both thought that I wanted to be woken at midnight to watch LOST ... EVEN THOUGH I SAID NOTHING OF THE SORT!!!! I tried discussing the matter with her this morning, and very calmly I might add. But when trying to calmly explain the importance of being able to sleep through the night after such a long nocturnal streak, my mom erupted in violent anger as if she was the one whose attempts to better herself were sabotaged.
She screamed about how I wake her frequently, which is untrue, and an unfair comparison. I only wake her in the middle of the night when I am in too much pain and can no longer take it, and I try to wait as long as I possibly can so as not to wake her. I think it should also be noted and strongly taken into consideration that when she gets up to go to the bathroom during the night, I always do my best to keep her awake so that she can get back to bed – you see, she has a long habit of falling asleep on the toilet during the night in uncomfortable positions, ultimately causing her much pain and discomfort the next day. Similarly, I try to keep her awake in front of the TV, and when I cannot, I place a pillow against her neck so that she does not wake up with neck pain. In other words, I think my waking her up occasionally for help is a different and excusable matter compared to her waking me up out of sheer stupidity.
I know this probably sounds awful, but sometimes I get the feeling that my mom subconsciously sabotages my progress towards improving my health and independence, because once I am healthy and independent I will no longer depend on her and can move out and live on my own. Even though I know she loves me and wants me to be happy, sometimes I wonder if her waking me up at midnight and hurting my feelings when I am having a good day with no pain are unconscious ways of keeping me dependent on her so that she will always have me living with her and won’t be lonely. I doubt this is the case though ... even though I get mad at her at times like this, I hate to think these things about her.

Anyways, now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, here’s a little summary of the last few days.

I haven’t written in a few days due to a massive headache that had me incapacitated for about 4 days straight. Needless to say, I have been neglecting my physio exercises during those days. On a more positive note though, I was finally able to shower, and I managed to paint 12 wooden boxes gold for my mom. You see, she’s participating in some kind of sale this weekend where she gets her own booth to sell the jewellery she makes. This is the first time she’s ever been able to display and sell her work, so she’s been working really hard trying to make pieces she thinks people will want to buy, and has enlisted my help in painting the jewellery boxes and designing the business cards.
Oddly Mom has also involved me in the critiquing/evaluating of her work, and this is strange and frequently annoying to me because, though a girl, I despise jewellery. She claims that I am her best critic and that this is because of my dislike of jewellery – she claims that if she can please me, then she knows she did a good job. She says that the one piece she designed that I did like a lot is the piece that the most people have complimented – and not just her fellow-beaders, but friends and strangers alike. Her view now is that I am her best critic – even though I constantly assure her that I don’t see the aesthetic value or beauty of jewellery the way others do, she seems to be certain that I am some kind of secret weapon in this department.
On a humourous side-note, my sister Claudia seems to be jealous of the fact that I am my mother’s proclaimed best critic. Claudia thinks she has impeccable taste in fashion, make-up, and jewellery, not that she’s actually said so – I simply assume she believes her taste superior based on observing her constant critique of those with a differing sense of fashion. She probably considers her fashion sense superior due to her emulating the current fashion trends and those that will reveal her curves and skin most flatteringly, thus drawing the most attention to herself that she can get. In this area, Claudia fancies herself an expert like Reese Witherspoon’s character Elle Woods in Legally Blonde, a “Cosmo Girl.” Unfortunately, Claudia does not value the arts or any creative ventures – again, not that she’s actually said so – thus she is useless in matters of art and creativity, especially as a critic, because her primary concern is never about aesthetic beauty or talent, but about profit and gain.

Anyways, on Monday when my head started to feel better I went to the mall and walked around. Though I got some exercise, on a negative note I ate some fast food and drank a Coke. Not that I’m too disappointed with myself – I have rejected much fast food this year and have consumed significantly less Coke than last year, when I was drinking 1-4 cans per day. I spent most my outing at Chapters – my holy temple, besides craft stores and petting zoos – where I bought the book Alice In Wonderland and Philosophy: Curioser and Curioser, edited by Richard Brian Davis. I also bought the magazines Fortean Times and Atlantis Rising, both of which discuss strange phenomena and unexplained mysteries.
So far I read the first chapter of Alice In Wonderland and Philosophy called Unruly Alice: A Feminist View of Some Adventures in Wonderland by Megan S Lloyd, and I also read one chapter of The Wizard of Oz and Philosophy: Wicked Wisdom of the West, edited by Randall E. Auxier and Phillip S. Seng. I read the chapter called When the Wiz Goes Black, Does He Ever Go Back? by Tommy J. Curry, which discusses the 1978 Motown film The Wiz – which I LOVE!

In terms of my goals regarding my bedroom and making it over to turn into an office-by-day, my mom found an armoire for $25! Can you believe that? It is definitely not in the best condition, but a coat of paint will fix that. Unfortunately she bought it on the spur of the moment, and as my bedroom is currently a pile of unsorted and diverse crap, I don’t have anywhere to put the large piece of furniture. It is currently standing in the living room randomly placed facing the kitchen, but generally out of the way of any paths into and out of the room, just not enough to not piss off my dad. As if I don’t already know, as if I can’t see it from where I sit in my usual seat on the living room couch, my dad has been reminding me that I need to clean my room and move the armoire into it. I informed him over and over again that the only reason I have not done so is my painful and debilitating headache. Still, I’m sure he was even less thrilled to learn that I had already started storing some of my belongings inside of it ... just for the time being of course.

Accomplishments:

- went to Mall
- purchased books, as well as craft supplies for Alice In Wonderland crafts
- got exercise at the Mall
- obtained armoire for bedroom
- painted 12 boxes for Mom
- read 1 chapter each from 2 books on philosophy and pop culture

Random Thought:

According to various sources such as Wikipedia, Lewis Carroll suffered from migrains, and some believe these migrains inspired him to write his Alice books. If this is true, given my last headache, I will turn out to be a literary phenomenon!