Predictions for the Week of My Sister Claudia's Visit

Tomorrow my evil sister Claudia will be arriving from out west.  She will be staying with us for Easter, from April 5^th – April 11^th.  Claudia has always been difficult from when she was little – even my mother would say so.  She has treated my brother Geoffrey and I like garbage all our lives, and whenever she visits it’s like a tornado of anger, rage, anxiety, temper tantrums, and guilt trips sweeps through our home.

I should clarify a few things right now:

1)  Claudia has recently become a psychologist.

2)  With any dispute we have, she uses her education in psychology to justify anything she does and make anything we say or do appear wrong.

3)  I’m positive that Claudia is a narcissist.  I’ve been reading a lot about narcissism, and I believe she has at least 8 out of 9 characteristics of a narcissist.

4)   Everyone in my family has health problems – me, my brother, my mother, and my father.  Everyone but Claudia.   And Claudia is the LEAST understanding person because she has never had to deal with illness or disability.  And because narcissists lack empathy.

5)  She has an extremely inaccurate view of our levels of disability and the challenges they can cause.  This may in part be because she hasn’t seen us for about 2 years.  Regardless, seeing us and seeing all that we can’t do will be a rude awakening for her.  Most likely though, she will accuse us of not trying hard enough.

6)  She has been pressuring us for years to go and visit her out west.  We try to explain how impractical this is given our health problems, but she refuses to believe it and/or claims that it is all due to not taking good enough care of ourselves.

7)  She is extremely controlling.

8)  My mother claims that Claudia has matured a lot.  This of course is based on phone conversations and nothing more.  That said, Mom is still very nervous about Claudia’s visit.

9)  When my brother and I talk to Claudia on the phone, we’ve both noticed that she is a lot nicer, yet we both get the sense that she is trying with all her might to hold back.  In other words, Geoffrey and I both think her agreeableness is just an act.

So, now that you are briefly caught up, the following is a list of predictions I am making regarding what will take place from the time Claudia arrives tomorrow till the time she leaves on the 11^th.  I am getting them in writing and posted online so that if any come true, I can prove to my family that I had predicted them before her arrival.  This is not to say that I anticipate all of my predictions to come true.  I am simply trying to cover any and all possibilities.

Predictions for the Week of Claudia’s Visit

1.  Claudia will object to me biting my nails and/or tell me that my nails are gross.

2.  Claudia won’t know how to turn on the TV or put on a DVD. 

3.  If me or my brother can’t sleep at night and get up to watch TV, Claudia will yell at me and my brother to turn down the TV.  This may lead to a fight.

4.  Claudia will talk, yell, or try to annoy me when I’m watching TV - probably during something good like a documentary that won’t be on again.

5.  Claudia will recommend that we eat organic fruits & vegetables and this could start an argument/fight when we try to explain that they are too expensive.  If she then buys some for us and we don’t eat them, there will be an even bigger fight.

6.  Claudia will ask me and my brother to go to dinner with her and when we say no due to legitimately not feeling well, she will:

 A)  start fighting with us and/or throw a temper tantrum

 B)  accuse us of not taking good enough care of ourselves

 C)  get mad and declare that we just don’t want to go with her, which will partly be true

 D)  tell us that the reason we don’t feel well enough to go out is that we are not motivated enough

7.  When Claudia finds out that I have pain in my chest and trouble breathing, she will freak out and won’t believe that it is actually related to my Fibromyalgia, which it is.  Regardless of how much I fill her in on the subject, she will secretly believe that I have some kind of heart condition, and thus my diet must be dangerously flawed, just like the rest of me and my life.

8.  If I’m able to go on a walk while she’s here, she will excitedly offer to come with me, as she feels that exercise and nutrition are her areas of expertise.  When I tell her as nicely as possible that I prefer to go alone, that it’s my “me time,” she will get upset and possibly start a fight.

9.  She will want to use my Wii Fit, or she will want us to do Wii Fit together.  If I don’t want to, this will start a fight.

10.  Claudia will either borrow my things without asking, or she will ask only to start a fight when I refuse to lend her my things.  Some things she might take include:

A)     my shampoo and conditioner

B)     my make up

C)     my socks – WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY FORBIDDEN!

D)    my shirts and possibly pyjamas as they will be very roomy

E)     my curlers or spoodles

F)     my hair-bands, elastics, other hair accessories, face mask, face soap

G)     sweaters

11.  When Claudia sees that my fatigue keeps me from helping out around the house or doing anything with her, this will start a fight in which she lectures me to stop doing things that she thinks cause my fatigue, even though said things are unrelated.

12.  Claudia will try to convince me not to repaint my room, remove the carpet, and refinish the hardwood floor.  She will want to know why it’s so important to me in the first place.  Since I will most likely refuse to tell her, this will start a fight.

13.  If Claudia notices that I neatly underline passages in books I read, she will wonder why and possibly try to convince me that I shouldn’t bother, because it’s not like I’m studying the book for school.

14.  Claudia may try to convince me to take distance education courses at the university, especially if she sees that I am able to read once in a while.  When I explain that my concentration is unpredictable and that I probably won’t be able to make deadlines, she will show very clearly that she isn’t satisfied with my explanation.  This could start a fight as well, as she will not understand why I can read some books and not do reading for school.

15.  If Claudia takes a shower she won’t clean out the tub and this will start a huge fight.

16.  Claudia will lecture me, my mom, and my brother Geoffrey about the amount of Coke we drink.

17.  Claudia will try to convince me, my mom, and my brother to get rid of stuff that we want to keep.  This could start a huge fight.

18.  Claudia will complain about how crappy our telephones are and nag us to get new ones.

19.  Claudia will either complain about my mother’s driving, refuse to let Mom drive her anywhere, or suggest that Mom’s license be taken away.  This will really hurt my mother’s feelings and, of course, start a huge fight.

20.  Claudia will start a fight about how much time my brother and I spend in the house, and won’t accept that it is due to our pain and fatigue.

21.  Claudia will get extremely frustrated with my mother for always falling asleep on the toilet at night.  Claudia will not be able to keep her awake at night and will get angry that the alarm Mom uses doesn’t work.  She may attempt to buy my mother a better alarm, but if this also doesn’t work, Claudia may suggest that my mom should be in a nursing home.  If not, she may suggest that this extreme drowsiness is due to one of my mother’s medications and try to convince her to stop taking something that she actually needs.

22.  Claudia will get extremely frustrated with my mother for falling asleep in front of the TV or while beading.  This too will cause a fight, especially if my mom refuses to go to bed.  There will be an even bigger fight if my mom is drinking tea in this drowsy condition, in which she can spill it all over herself.

23.  Claudia will want to use our digital camera, and thus will be angry when she finds out that the battery is broken and we have not yet bought a new one.

24.  Claudia will want to use my laptop and will be angry when I refuse.  She will ask why my brother is allowed to use it but not her.  I will explain that we’ve made an agreement, in which he will help me repaint my bedroom in exchange for use of my laptop, but she will still be angry.

25.  Claudia will be angry that our desktop computer in the basement is broken, and will nag us to plug in her old computer.  If Dad refuses, Claudia will nag me about this, as she feels I am the one in the family she has the most control over.  Since it is not my computer and I have my own, she will be wasting her time.

26.  At some point during her visit, she will be so exasperated with us for something, and will declare that she shouldn’t even have come.

27.  Claudia will try to convince my family to move out west with her.  Apparently she has already mentioned it to my mother before.  She will claim that the nice weather and scenery will help us with our health problems, and that if she lives nearby she can help us with things like chores.

Okay, that’s it for now.  After she’s gone I’ll try to write to let you know which ones came true.  Wish me luck, and wish my family luck as well.

Sisters, The Art of Driving, and Ironic Signs From The Universe

My sister Claudia called tonight, and as usual when she calls I could hear Mom’s whining voice from the other room. “Claudia I do understand ... What do you think it was like for me?”
Naturally this was quite annoying to me and my brother, as we were both trying to watch BRAVO’s Work of Art: The Next Great Artist. We tried turning up the volume, asking Mom to talk in another room, turning up the volume even louder, then asking Mom to talk in an even further room ... as annoying as it was for me it was even worse for Geoffrey because he has a huge migraine. But regardless, the same ridiculous routine that happens every night was happening yet again:

Claudia was complaining to Mom about how hard it is to live on her own in another city without a car – or a driver’s license, for that matter – and is blaming Mom for her being license-less and car-less.

I should note that Claudia did take the written test and passed twice while living here in good old Windsor, Ontario, but that when it came time to practice in Mom or Dad’s car with one of them in the passenger seat, fights entailed the few times she did practice driving with them for the simple reason that they tried to correct her mistakes – some of them dangerous ones. And since Claudia doesn’t like being told what to do, it came to pass that she never practiced with either of them again, and thus never perfected the art of driving. The point I must stress and the conclusion you must come to, dear reader, is that Claudia’s predicament of and car-less-ness is her own fault and nobody else’s.

On tonight’s occasion, however, there was one small difference in the routine. Yes, Claudia was again whining, bitching, and moaning to Mom about not having a car and why it is Mom’s fault, but tonight the reason for this phone call was this:

Today while Claudia was waiting for the bus for 45 minutes in an unfamiliar area to go somewhere she had never been, she was FLASHED!

Yes, flashing would be a scary thing for a single woman all alone in a strange city to experience, but is it really necessary to blame one’s mother for such an assault?

It gets a little better. When Mom asked Claudia if she had her cell phone handy and dialled 9-1-1 after the (*ahem*) exposure, Mom was told no: Claudia did not have her cell phone. This is rather strange, I thought upon hearing this part of the story, as Claudia would constantly nag and harass me if I failed to bring my cell phone to school or neglected to turn it on. If she called me during the school day and could not reach me, when I arrived home she would then berate me, implying that I have some kind of responsibility to my family to bring my cell phone with me wherever I go now that I have it and that not doing so is irresponsible of me!
I should explain here that a cell phone is something I would not normally buy for myself; the only reason I have one is that Mom and Claudia picked it out for me as a Christmas gift during my first year of University. Frankly, I was perplexed upon receiving it. After all, why would I need a cell phone? Well, after forgetting it at home countless times or forgetting to turn it on – all the while enjoying the peace and quiet from my family – and receiving many lectures from Claudia about my responsibility to bring it with me and turn it on, I now know that it was purchased to be used as a homing device!

CREEPY!

Well, now we know that Claudia also does not bring her cell phone everywhere with her. Furthermore, Claudia has an alarm that Mom wants her to bring with her and keep in her pocket for just this type of situation. Did Claudia at least have that with her? Take a wild guess.

I know, tonight’s rant might sound very blame-the-victim which is something I certainly know better than to do. But Claudia has always been a special case because, well, she frequently blames the victims herself and always has, especially when the victim is me or my brother Geoffrey. She has no empathy or compassion for anyone, and has nothing but contempt for anyone who gets themselves into a situation that demands these emotions empathy or compassion from others.

Final Thoughts

Since indecent exposure to a stranger has psychological implications, and my sister is residing in the city where this took place because she recently became a psychologist, is it possible that this incident, apart from being insanely ironic, was some kind of sign that she is in the wrong field?

Word Of The Day: Schadenfreude - pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others.