Sylvester The Cat Gives The Finger ... Merry Christmas Children!

 

This is just a quick post to share some pictures that I thought were funny.

Recently I spent an evening officially putting away all things Christmas - late I know, but when you have Fibromyalgia you take longer to do things than you normally would.  The artificial tree was already disassembled and put away thanks to my brother, but the tree ornaments remained loosely in a single cardboard box.  You see, the day my mom took down the ornaments I wasn't feeling up to going to the basement and bringing up the proper containers for the ornaments, so my mom stored them in the box temporarily and set them aside for me to sort and return to the basement when I felt ready to handle the job.

When I finally did feel up to putting everything away the task took a lot longer than I intended thanks to the vile bitch that is Fibromyalgia, but through all the drudgery I discovered something new about a very old ornament.  While handling a very old, very beat-up-looking ornament of Sylvester The Cat I noticed he appears to be giving the finger to someone behind him!  Observe:

 

Now, I know you could argue that the picture of Sylvester's front below clearly shows that he only has 4 fingers (or digits, given that he's a cat) and therefore can't technically put up his middle finger, but I would argue that that doesn't mean he would never want to.  After all, if a character with 4 fingers has reason to give the finger, he or she would certainly do so in their own way.

And let's face it: what else could he possibly be doing?  Just randomly pointing upwards?  What makes more sense to you?

 

A) a cartoon character well-loved by children, now in the form of a Christmas ornament is pointing upwards for no apparent reason

 

B) a cartoon character who constantly gets his ass kicked by a bird for the amusement of children, now in the form of a Christmas ornament, is turning his back on the cruel, sadistic children and is flipping them the bird (get it?).

Study the photos, and his facial expression, and you tell me ...

 



Predictions for the Week of My Sister Claudia's Visit

Tomorrow my evil sister Claudia will be arriving from out west.  She will be staying with us for Easter, from April 5^th – April 11^th.  Claudia has always been difficult from when she was little – even my mother would say so.  She has treated my brother Geoffrey and I like garbage all our lives, and whenever she visits it’s like a tornado of anger, rage, anxiety, temper tantrums, and guilt trips sweeps through our home.

I should clarify a few things right now:

1)  Claudia has recently become a psychologist.

2)  With any dispute we have, she uses her education in psychology to justify anything she does and make anything we say or do appear wrong.

3)  I’m positive that Claudia is a narcissist.  I’ve been reading a lot about narcissism, and I believe she has at least 8 out of 9 characteristics of a narcissist.

4)   Everyone in my family has health problems – me, my brother, my mother, and my father.  Everyone but Claudia.   And Claudia is the LEAST understanding person because she has never had to deal with illness or disability.  And because narcissists lack empathy.

5)  She has an extremely inaccurate view of our levels of disability and the challenges they can cause.  This may in part be because she hasn’t seen us for about 2 years.  Regardless, seeing us and seeing all that we can’t do will be a rude awakening for her.  Most likely though, she will accuse us of not trying hard enough.

6)  She has been pressuring us for years to go and visit her out west.  We try to explain how impractical this is given our health problems, but she refuses to believe it and/or claims that it is all due to not taking good enough care of ourselves.

7)  She is extremely controlling.

8)  My mother claims that Claudia has matured a lot.  This of course is based on phone conversations and nothing more.  That said, Mom is still very nervous about Claudia’s visit.

9)  When my brother and I talk to Claudia on the phone, we’ve both noticed that she is a lot nicer, yet we both get the sense that she is trying with all her might to hold back.  In other words, Geoffrey and I both think her agreeableness is just an act.

So, now that you are briefly caught up, the following is a list of predictions I am making regarding what will take place from the time Claudia arrives tomorrow till the time she leaves on the 11^th.  I am getting them in writing and posted online so that if any come true, I can prove to my family that I had predicted them before her arrival.  This is not to say that I anticipate all of my predictions to come true.  I am simply trying to cover any and all possibilities.

Predictions for the Week of Claudia’s Visit

1.  Claudia will object to me biting my nails and/or tell me that my nails are gross.

2.  Claudia won’t know how to turn on the TV or put on a DVD. 

3.  If me or my brother can’t sleep at night and get up to watch TV, Claudia will yell at me and my brother to turn down the TV.  This may lead to a fight.

4.  Claudia will talk, yell, or try to annoy me when I’m watching TV - probably during something good like a documentary that won’t be on again.

5.  Claudia will recommend that we eat organic fruits & vegetables and this could start an argument/fight when we try to explain that they are too expensive.  If she then buys some for us and we don’t eat them, there will be an even bigger fight.

6.  Claudia will ask me and my brother to go to dinner with her and when we say no due to legitimately not feeling well, she will:

 A)  start fighting with us and/or throw a temper tantrum

 B)  accuse us of not taking good enough care of ourselves

 C)  get mad and declare that we just don’t want to go with her, which will partly be true

 D)  tell us that the reason we don’t feel well enough to go out is that we are not motivated enough

7.  When Claudia finds out that I have pain in my chest and trouble breathing, she will freak out and won’t believe that it is actually related to my Fibromyalgia, which it is.  Regardless of how much I fill her in on the subject, she will secretly believe that I have some kind of heart condition, and thus my diet must be dangerously flawed, just like the rest of me and my life.

8.  If I’m able to go on a walk while she’s here, she will excitedly offer to come with me, as she feels that exercise and nutrition are her areas of expertise.  When I tell her as nicely as possible that I prefer to go alone, that it’s my “me time,” she will get upset and possibly start a fight.

9.  She will want to use my Wii Fit, or she will want us to do Wii Fit together.  If I don’t want to, this will start a fight.

10.  Claudia will either borrow my things without asking, or she will ask only to start a fight when I refuse to lend her my things.  Some things she might take include:

A)     my shampoo and conditioner

B)     my make up

C)     my socks – WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY FORBIDDEN!

D)    my shirts and possibly pyjamas as they will be very roomy

E)     my curlers or spoodles

F)     my hair-bands, elastics, other hair accessories, face mask, face soap

G)     sweaters

11.  When Claudia sees that my fatigue keeps me from helping out around the house or doing anything with her, this will start a fight in which she lectures me to stop doing things that she thinks cause my fatigue, even though said things are unrelated.

12.  Claudia will try to convince me not to repaint my room, remove the carpet, and refinish the hardwood floor.  She will want to know why it’s so important to me in the first place.  Since I will most likely refuse to tell her, this will start a fight.

13.  If Claudia notices that I neatly underline passages in books I read, she will wonder why and possibly try to convince me that I shouldn’t bother, because it’s not like I’m studying the book for school.

14.  Claudia may try to convince me to take distance education courses at the university, especially if she sees that I am able to read once in a while.  When I explain that my concentration is unpredictable and that I probably won’t be able to make deadlines, she will show very clearly that she isn’t satisfied with my explanation.  This could start a fight as well, as she will not understand why I can read some books and not do reading for school.

15.  If Claudia takes a shower she won’t clean out the tub and this will start a huge fight.

16.  Claudia will lecture me, my mom, and my brother Geoffrey about the amount of Coke we drink.

17.  Claudia will try to convince me, my mom, and my brother to get rid of stuff that we want to keep.  This could start a huge fight.

18.  Claudia will complain about how crappy our telephones are and nag us to get new ones.

19.  Claudia will either complain about my mother’s driving, refuse to let Mom drive her anywhere, or suggest that Mom’s license be taken away.  This will really hurt my mother’s feelings and, of course, start a huge fight.

20.  Claudia will start a fight about how much time my brother and I spend in the house, and won’t accept that it is due to our pain and fatigue.

21.  Claudia will get extremely frustrated with my mother for always falling asleep on the toilet at night.  Claudia will not be able to keep her awake at night and will get angry that the alarm Mom uses doesn’t work.  She may attempt to buy my mother a better alarm, but if this also doesn’t work, Claudia may suggest that my mom should be in a nursing home.  If not, she may suggest that this extreme drowsiness is due to one of my mother’s medications and try to convince her to stop taking something that she actually needs.

22.  Claudia will get extremely frustrated with my mother for falling asleep in front of the TV or while beading.  This too will cause a fight, especially if my mom refuses to go to bed.  There will be an even bigger fight if my mom is drinking tea in this drowsy condition, in which she can spill it all over herself.

23.  Claudia will want to use our digital camera, and thus will be angry when she finds out that the battery is broken and we have not yet bought a new one.

24.  Claudia will want to use my laptop and will be angry when I refuse.  She will ask why my brother is allowed to use it but not her.  I will explain that we’ve made an agreement, in which he will help me repaint my bedroom in exchange for use of my laptop, but she will still be angry.

25.  Claudia will be angry that our desktop computer in the basement is broken, and will nag us to plug in her old computer.  If Dad refuses, Claudia will nag me about this, as she feels I am the one in the family she has the most control over.  Since it is not my computer and I have my own, she will be wasting her time.

26.  At some point during her visit, she will be so exasperated with us for something, and will declare that she shouldn’t even have come.

27.  Claudia will try to convince my family to move out west with her.  Apparently she has already mentioned it to my mother before.  She will claim that the nice weather and scenery will help us with our health problems, and that if she lives nearby she can help us with things like chores.

Okay, that’s it for now.  After she’s gone I’ll try to write to let you know which ones came true.  Wish me luck, and wish my family luck as well.

ExerBeat for Wii Fit by Namco Bandai

I haven’t written in a while because I’ve been extremely fatigued. My goal for this summer was to make over my bedroom, but my fatigue has made this impossible. I hadn’t even celebrated my 26th birthday in July because I was never feeling well enough. In fact, I opened my presents on Sunday night – September 4!

Though I haven’t had a chance to use all of my presents yet, I was able to test out the gift that I wanted the most – ExerBeat by Namco Bandai.

According to my Rheumatologist, the only proven treatment for Fibromyalgia is frequent aerobic exercise, and that I can start very slowly at 5 minutes aerobics per day. It was my 2011 New Year’s Resolution to make daily aerobics my top priority, and with my Wii Fit and Wii Fit Plus I became very close to reaching my goal. I felt that I was really improving, that my pain was more manageable, and that my energy had improved. Of course, I did incorporate other activities into my aerobics such as taking a trip to the mall as an opportunity to walk around some afternoon, or going on walks outside in the summer. However, Wii Fit made it possible for me to complete some aerobic exercise when stores were closed or when the weather was either too hot or too cold to go on walks. This is why I made it a priority when making my birthday list to ask for another exercise game for the Nintendo Wii.

Since I only had 2 opportunities since opening the gift to test out the game, I cannot give an in-depth review here today, but I can say that I am very happy with it. If I can write a better review at a later date, I certainly will.

Users of Wii Fit or Wii Fit Plus will probably find ExerBeat easy to adjust to, as there are many similarities. For example:

1. With Wii Fit’s instructions appear on the screen in a speech bubble spoken from an avatar of the Wii Balance Board. Similarly, ExerBeat’s instructions appear in a speech bubble spoken from a music note by the name of Rhythm. Rhythm recommends a short tutorial. I watched this the night I got it and would recommend it.

2. With both Wii Fit and ExerBeat, activities are presented in a similar layout and not all activities are available to users from the beginning. With both games only certain activities in each category are available and the rest must be earned or “unlocked” by completing the activities that are already available. I like this feature of both games because it gives users a sense of achievement, rewarding them for their completion of various exercises.

3. Both Wii Fit, Wii Fit Plus, and ExerBeat incorporate humourous and creative exercises into their menus. My favourite Wii Fit game is Penguin Slide, in which my avatar or Mii is dressed in a penguin costume, standing on an iceberg and surrounded by an audience of penguins who seem to be cheering me on as I try to catch as many fish as possible. Similarly, there are funny and creative games on ExerBeat that involve twirling pizzas and fending off pirates!

4. Both Wii Fit Plus and ExerBeat measure the approximate amount of calories burned and measure the intensity of the exercises in METS. They also both have charts or graphs to measure how much time users spend working out each day, the option to set personal goals, and a calendar that can be stamped so that users can keep track of their progress.

5. The Wii Fit and ExerBeat menus are very similarly organized. The Training menu of Wii Fit lists activities in the following categories:

Yoga -------------------------(15 activities)
Strength Training ----------(15 activities)
Aerobics ---------------------(9 activities)
Balance Games -------------(9 activities)

Wii Fit Plus provides 15 additional activities, as well as 3 additional Yoga activities and 3 additional Strength Training Activities.

Similarly, the Exercise menu of ExerBeat lists activities in the following categories:

. Dance Exercise
. Martial Arts
. Body Conditioning
. Party Fitness

Unlike Wii Fit however, the first 3 categories branch out into further, more specific categories from which you must choose:

. Dance Exercise ---------> Aerobics / Hip Hop / Latin Dance

. Martial Arts ------------> Boxercising / Karate / Karate Forms

. Body Conditioning ----> Stretching / Yoga and Pilates

This means that, while Wii Fit might provide 15 different activities each in Yoga and Strength Training, ExerBeat provides about 15 activities in all 8 sub-categories! So if I am correct, this is the breakdown of what Exerbeat offers:

. Dance Exercise

- Aerobics ----------> 20 activities
- Hip Hop ----------> 20 activities
- Latin Dance ------> 20 activities

. Martial Arts

- Boxercising ------> 20 activities
- Karate ------------> 20 activities
- Karate Forms ----> 10 activities

. Body Conditioning

- Yoga / Pilates ----> 10 yoga, 10 pilates = 20 activities
- Stretching --------> 10 activities

. Party Fitness ------> 5 activities

Now, I must stress that I am not criticising Wii Fit or Wii Fit Plus for lack of variety. I intend to use both Wii Fit Plus and ExerBeat together. I am simply praising ExerBeat for its variety for my particular needs, and for my Fibromyalgia, variety of aerobic exercise is a major need! I also think that my familiarity with Wii Fit and Wii Fit Plus has allowed me to begin using ExerBeat without much difficulty. For example, I am somewhat used to having to follow certain visual cues with the Wii Remote in order for the game to register the accuracy of my movements.

I hope to use ExerBeat to complete some aerobic exercise a little bit every day, and hopefully build stamina little by little, and decrease pain and fatigue in the long run. I’ll write about any progress I make whether with the Wii game or without, and as usual I welcome any comments or recommendations for similar games.

Why I Love Wii Fit!

Greetings fellow bloggers! I have taken a sabbatical from writing about the fascinating world of socks to put most of my energy towards physiotherapy. To be specific, I have been told that the best treatment for my Fibromyalgia is daily aerobic exercise, and so for the last 3 months I have been exercising daily using my Nintendo Wii.

I have had Wii Fit for a long time now, but have only been able to use it regularly since the start of the new year. For the last two years the game was sitting in our living room closet barely used, and I felt wasteful and guilty for having asked my parents for it in the first place. But now that I have started a new medication, my energy and motivation is greatly improved, so I am now able to be more proactive about my condition. Now that I am actually physically capable of exercising regularly, I am so thankful that I had the Wii Fit waiting for me. For the last 3 months I have been completing my aerobic activity using Basic Step and Advanced Step. Originally I was only able to complete 15 minutes of aerobics per day, repeating the 3 minute Basic Step workout 5 times. Now I am able to complete 35 minutes of aerobics per day, repeating the 3 minute Basic Step 5 times and the 5 minute Advanced Step 4 times.

I should note that I have never been much of a “gamer,” the only video game I had any real experience with was Super Mario Bros. 1 released in 1985.

And when I asked my parents for a Nintendo console for my birthday, I only wanted one that I could use to play the old Super Mario games from my childhood. So basically, when I ripped off the wrapping paper and found the strange, unfamiliar Nintendo “Wii”, I was actually quite disappointed. I also felt pretty stupid that the included game disc included what I thought to be childish games. Tennis? Golf? Bowling? Who wants to sit in their living room hitting

balls back and forth by pressing buttons with their game contro

ls!? I might as well play the old Pong game from 1975!

Not being very tech-savvy, I had no idea at first that this console came with a motion-sensor, and thus game play involved actually exercising with the Nintendo. I felt rather stupid upon discovering this, as I had actually shouted at my parents for buying me such a boring, childish game. I decided to try to find out more about the games that were available for this console, and came across Wii Fit and its accompanying balance board. I immediately recognised that this could be useful in my rehabilitation from Fibromyalgia and discussed this with my parents. After many wild-goose chases for the recently released product, my father finally came home with one and my mother and I were overjoyed. When I registered my information on the game while awkwardly learning how to use this new-fangled technology, I became very quickly discouraged. My Wii Fit age wasn’t too bad, but I was informed of my weight in such a way that you would think I was as obese as it was possible to be! Furthermore, when I actually attempted the 3-minute Basic Step, I felt stupid for even thinking I was capable of using this device to exercise in the first place! Clearly this was designed for complete jocks who had no physical health problems and who probably coasted by at university on football scholarships. After such discouragement, I didn’t touch the gadget for months. I did get it out occasionally, however, to try to complete the aerobic exercise necessary for my eventual independence, and each time it was with the intention of using the device regularly at 3 times per week at the very least. Despite my good intentions, I had only used my Wii Fit, on average, once a month for the last 2 years! Now, that’s all changed. This year I have used my Wii Fit almost every day for the last 3 months – almost 90 days in a row. I have used it more in the last 3 months than I have in the last 2 years. This really reaffirms for me that my lack of physical activity has not been due to laziness – despite what the average ignorant asshole destined for Hell seems to think – but that it was simply a matter of being on the wrong medication. Now I know that no matter what insecure girls with body image issues try to convince me of, I am truly hard working when it comes to my health and fitness, and any lack of work on my part is due to legitimate problems that caused legitimate obstacles. In other words, the insecure girls who hate their bodies who have actually pressured me to exercises might as well have pressured a quadriplegic to stop being lazy and taking the elevator, and to take the stairs in order to heal their paralyzed limbs.

Though I am not yet completely able-bodied, I feel that Wii Fit has helped me a lot with my Fibromyalgia in the short time that I have been using it. I love this game for the following reasons: 1. Users can easily see their improvement over time, which is extremely encouraging as it shows evidence that practice has been effective.

The motion sensor, Balance Board, Wii Remote, and Nunchucks can register your movements, and thus determine your accuracy in each activity. Your accuracy is then used to determine your score, which is then shown to you on a top 10 list of your best scores. So each time you attempt a specific activity, you can see how your accuracy compares to your previous attempts. Seeing your score improve is evidence that your accuracy has improved and thus users can feel that they have achieved results. Even an improvement by 3 or 4 points from one day to the next is evidence of improvement. This is extremely important to me because I have never felt that practicing a sport or physical activity has led to improvement of my skill or fitness. Perhaps this is because I have always had physical problems, but I always felt to some extent that exercise was futile. With Wii Fit, I always see even the most minor improvements. 2. Wii Fit rewards users for their accomplishments and completion of various activities by making available new activities or harder versions of the exercises. This allows users to feel a sense of accomplishment and reward, while allowing for some variety and novelty in the activities. 3. Several Wii Fit activities are creative, fun, and humourous, which allows users to have fun while exercising. Fun and humour should never be under-estimated! One of my favourites is a game called Penguine Slide, in which the user’s avatar is dressed in a penguin costume and has an audience of cheering penguins who are all very supportive and encouraging! The game takes place aboard a floating, wobbly ice berg, on which the user must shift their weight from the right foot to left and so on in order to catch as many fish as possible. The music alone makes this game worthwhile, but the fact that I am surrounded by penguins who seem to be big fans makes me smile every time I play this game! Watch a demo of Penguine Slide by clicking on the screen below. 4. Wii Fit games can allow users to participate in existing sports which the user may never have played, and may never get the opportunity to try. One aerobics activity I often played is called Rhythm Boxing. I enjoyed this because I have never before taken boxing lessons or even an aerobics class that involves the use of a punching bag! For people like me who have health problems, this is a wonderful feature, as some of us cannot often leave the house any time we wish!

I would also like to note that a famous character with a famous health problem has been known to use a Nintendo Wii for just this reason. Fans of HBO’s True Blood may recall the scene in which Vampire Bill Compton is seen on a bright sunny day on what appears to be a golf course. At first this is quite confusing, as the vampires of True Blood cannot go outside during the day as the sun burns their skin. As the camera slowly zooms out, viewers see that Vampire Bill is not playing with a real golf club, but is holding a Wii Remote, and that he is actually in his living room playing Wii Golf, and it is in fact night time. Even True Blood vampires use the Nintendo Wii to exercise and participate in activities that their condition would otherwise render impossible! You can see Vampire Bill Compton playing with his Nintendo Wii in the True Blood clip below:

5. My favourite thing about Wii Fit has to be that it gives me something to look forward to each day.

This might seem a little bit silly to some people, but the combination of the above 4 qualities make Wii Fit the highlight of my day. It makes me feel good to see that I improve in each activity, and it makes me feel good to think of how much more aerobics I can do each day compared to when I first started. I love the novelty of the activities, and this is why I eventually purchased Wii Fit Plus. This has 15 additional activities, and I am trying not to try all of them right away so that I'll have something new to master. The fun and humourousness of the activities is also important to me because I do not often get to go out and have fun in the same ways that other young people my age do. Often, just discovering a new activity or option about the game can be entertaining, though other young people who are more used to video games may not find these new discoveries as amusing as I do. And of course, I get to feel good about knowing that everyday I am doing something to improve my health and ultimately lead me to be more able-bodied and independent. But in the meantime, Wii Fit is allowing me to make up for experiences I wouldn't otherwise be able to have right now, such as Boxing, Kung Fu, and Skiing.

In conclusion, I would just like to say that people often comment on our use of technology, expressing a fear that we are in fact becoming to dependent on technology. I don't deny this. But if the wheel is an early development of technology, then this means that the wheel chair is in fact a product of technology. Wheelchairs are a product of technology that make it possible for people with disabilities to be mobile and allows for a degree of independence. For people with certain disabilities, the wheelchair is an extremely important piece of technology. So while I agree that our increasing dependence on technology is disturbing and often unnecessary, I will also be the first to say that, for those who are not perfectly able-bodied, technology makes it possible to experience life and remain independent - whether it is the wheelchair aiding in mobility, or a video-game that simulates sports to aid in physiotherapy and rehabilitation from a health problem.

Maybe reliance on technology is only disturbing when we are able to live comfortably without it and its use ultimately causes us not to use our own abilities and thus to eventually lose them altogether. But maybe technology should be praised when it makes it possible for us to do what we otherwise could not and aids in our health and independence. Maybe the key to judging whether a piece of technology is beneficial or harmful is to determine whether it leads to dependence or INdependence.

To learn more about Wii Fit visit http://wiifit.com/

2011 New Year's Resolutions

Okay, the following is my new list of New Year's Resolutions for 2011, and I plan to record the progress of my following these goals right here on The Lonely Sock! Here goes:

1. Have Fun!

 Everyday, read the entry from The Almanac of the Infamous, The Incredible, and The Ignored by Juanita Rose Violini.

 Everyday, read the entry from This Book Will Change Your Life by Benrik, and actually attempt as many tasks as possible!
--> Record progress on blog and join Benrik cult!

 Go to a different restaurant, cafe, or bar, every 1-2 weeks!
--> Record progress on blog and evaluate restaurants.

2. Improve Fibromyalgia – Become Physically Independent!

 Exercise daily, mostly with Wii Fit or other Nintendo Wii exercise programs.

 Abstain from Fast Food, Soft Drinks, Candy, and other Junk Food.

3. Be Creative!

 Complete 1st issue of magazine.
 Make crafts using reused and recycled materials.
--> Post pictures of all on blog along with instructions
 Design, sew, and paint original clothes.
--> Post all clothes on blog.

4. Read More!

 Record books or essays read on blog and briefly discuss/review.
 Record all books I plan to read on blog.

Secret Dreams

Well, this blog party is about secret dream and, having a sky-scraper-sized library full of secret dreams stored in my head – a collection that started early in childhood – I was at a loss for what specifically to write about. After all, I could discuss my fantasies of saving the world from inequality and Conservative-ism, or I could discuss something completely different like exposing my sister Claudia for being the evil monster that she is and watching as she is arrested and carried off to prison by torch-wielding villagers.

NOTE TO SELF: Find out which village handles conflicts in this manner.

But the rules of this blog party called for following our muses and making our dreams happen, and this is why I have decided to discuss the dreams I have taken steps to bringing to reality, and perhaps sharing the small achievements I have made here with other partiers today. I would like to start with discussing my health.

DREAMS OF HEALTH AND INDEPENDENCE

My birthday was on July 15th – just two days ago. I didn’t think about it then, but I realize that it might be very significant that this blog party is occurring so close to the start of a new year in my life. A blog party revolving around making dreams come true has occurred at a time that I have renewed my goals to improve my health ... good health and independence would be a dream-come-true. For me this birthday isn’t just a celebration of another year gone by. It is a reminder to me of the passage of time and the lack of accomplishments and experiences I have had during that time. This birthday represents having been alive for a quarter of a century, and has occurred at a time in my life that I increasingly feel life passing me by, a time that I feel I am not working hard enough to improve my health, and a time I feel ever more desperate for health and independence in order to experience more of the world and make more of my dreams come true.

I have made a new promise to myself: The next 25 years of my life will be better than the last 25 years, and as bad as I thought some of the experiences of the first 25 were, that is how good the experiences will be in the next 25.

Today, I have done something to improve my health. The treatment for Fibromyalgia is aerobic exercise: I went on a walk. Not a long walk, of course, but my first walk in a very long time. If possible, I will do my back exercises later as well.

SIDE NOTE: My sister Claudia called on her birthday last week. She started discussing the health problems my brother and I have and got into a fight with my mother because she doesn’t like how Mom is “handling our care.” When asked what Claudia would do differently, she had absolutely no clue. Thanks for the advice Claudia. Could it be that it just annoys you that we’re all too incapacitated to take a plane ride down to where you live and stay with you for a few weeks to appease your loneliness? Being fatigued and in pain, my mother could not bear to discuss the matter with her.

SECRET DREAMS TO BE COMPLETED IN THE FUTURE

. I plan to learn martial arts and become skilled in the use of martial arts weapons.
. I plan to learn archery.
. I plan to learn how to kayak and to do so frequently.
. I plan to learn wood-working so that I can make my own furniture.
. I plan to design and sew my own clothing which will have its own unique and original style.
. I plan to publish a novel, if not a series of novels.
. I plan to publish a comic book.
. I plan to publish my own zine.
. I plan to develop my own cook book, which does not necessarily have to be published, but I would still like it bound professionally.
. I plan to start a business selling gifts and gift baskets meant to comfort, amuse, and entertain people who are sick, hospitalized, or undergoing surgery. Most gifts would be humour-based.
. I plan to learn to drive.
. I plan to be able to donate blood again.
. I plan to be able to bike-ride again.
. I plan to either become a vegetarian or eat a healthy diet according to Canada’s Food Guide, and only eat products including meat.
. I plan to go to England and see the Peter Pan statue in Kensington Gardens, as well as anything associated with J.K. Rowling, Charles Dickens, Lewis Carroll and probably Shakespeare.
. I plan to visit Scotland and go to Loch Nesse and, if possible, catch a glimpse of Nessie.
. I plan to have my own house and be able to take care of it.
. I plan to have my Fibromyalgia and other health problems go into complete remission.
. I plan to show my sister what a weak little bitch she is compared to me.

Headaches, Outings and Parental Friction

So far today, I am a little pissed off. For the previous 2 nights I was able to sleep almost all the way through, which seems to have given me more energy and less pain than usual, when I am nocturnal. Now, yesterday in the evening I started to feel very achy and tired and went to lie down. I commented to my mom – who has a VERY poor memory – that I did not want to sleep for fear that I would wake in the middle of the night without being able to get back to sleep, thus ruining my sleeping pattern once again. I wanted to try to remain awake to watch LOST, my absolute favourite show, but I realised I could not enjoy it in my current achy, tired state, and went to bed. I knew that, if I did wake in the middle of the night it would be on at 12:00 A.M., and if I managed to sleep through, I could simply watch it again on Thursday night on SPACE.
Given my Fibromyalgia, a condition that involves pain and fatigue which worsens when sufferers do not get enough sleep, you would think that my mother would have the good sense not to wake me at midnight to tell me that LOST is on. One might think that, being my mother and in charge of my care for most of my life, she would know that sleeping through the night would be crucial to my health and wellbeing, and that my health and wellbeing are much more important than getting to watch a new episode of my favourite show on the day it premiers. One might also think that, since she has wakened me in the middle of the night once before and ruined my sleeping pattern once before and thus causing a huge fight, she would remember NOT to wake me up unless it is an emergency! One might also think that she would remember being told that the new episode of LOST is on again a mere 2 days later on another channel, and that even if she did not remember, she would have the good sense to check using the remote control to see when the episode would air again. And of course, last but not least, one might think that my mom would remember my comment about wanting to sleep all through the night.
Dear reader, if you are one of these people, then I regret to inform you that you are so fucking wrong.
At exactly 12 o’clock AM my bedroom door opened and my mother intruded, waking me up to inform me of the time and that LOST was on. As much as she meant well, she added insult to injury by leaving my door open and talking to my cat as loud and annoyingly as she possibly could! Not only was I awake, I was wide awake, and I was furious! I couldn’t get back to sleep for at least 2 and a half hours. She claimed, and still claims this morning, that she and my brother alike both thought that I wanted to be woken at midnight to watch LOST ... EVEN THOUGH I SAID NOTHING OF THE SORT!!!! I tried discussing the matter with her this morning, and very calmly I might add. But when trying to calmly explain the importance of being able to sleep through the night after such a long nocturnal streak, my mom erupted in violent anger as if she was the one whose attempts to better herself were sabotaged.
She screamed about how I wake her frequently, which is untrue, and an unfair comparison. I only wake her in the middle of the night when I am in too much pain and can no longer take it, and I try to wait as long as I possibly can so as not to wake her. I think it should also be noted and strongly taken into consideration that when she gets up to go to the bathroom during the night, I always do my best to keep her awake so that she can get back to bed – you see, she has a long habit of falling asleep on the toilet during the night in uncomfortable positions, ultimately causing her much pain and discomfort the next day. Similarly, I try to keep her awake in front of the TV, and when I cannot, I place a pillow against her neck so that she does not wake up with neck pain. In other words, I think my waking her up occasionally for help is a different and excusable matter compared to her waking me up out of sheer stupidity.
I know this probably sounds awful, but sometimes I get the feeling that my mom subconsciously sabotages my progress towards improving my health and independence, because once I am healthy and independent I will no longer depend on her and can move out and live on my own. Even though I know she loves me and wants me to be happy, sometimes I wonder if her waking me up at midnight and hurting my feelings when I am having a good day with no pain are unconscious ways of keeping me dependent on her so that she will always have me living with her and won’t be lonely. I doubt this is the case though ... even though I get mad at her at times like this, I hate to think these things about her.

Anyways, now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, here’s a little summary of the last few days.

I haven’t written in a few days due to a massive headache that had me incapacitated for about 4 days straight. Needless to say, I have been neglecting my physio exercises during those days. On a more positive note though, I was finally able to shower, and I managed to paint 12 wooden boxes gold for my mom. You see, she’s participating in some kind of sale this weekend where she gets her own booth to sell the jewellery she makes. This is the first time she’s ever been able to display and sell her work, so she’s been working really hard trying to make pieces she thinks people will want to buy, and has enlisted my help in painting the jewellery boxes and designing the business cards.
Oddly Mom has also involved me in the critiquing/evaluating of her work, and this is strange and frequently annoying to me because, though a girl, I despise jewellery. She claims that I am her best critic and that this is because of my dislike of jewellery – she claims that if she can please me, then she knows she did a good job. She says that the one piece she designed that I did like a lot is the piece that the most people have complimented – and not just her fellow-beaders, but friends and strangers alike. Her view now is that I am her best critic – even though I constantly assure her that I don’t see the aesthetic value or beauty of jewellery the way others do, she seems to be certain that I am some kind of secret weapon in this department.
On a humourous side-note, my sister Claudia seems to be jealous of the fact that I am my mother’s proclaimed best critic. Claudia thinks she has impeccable taste in fashion, make-up, and jewellery, not that she’s actually said so – I simply assume she believes her taste superior based on observing her constant critique of those with a differing sense of fashion. She probably considers her fashion sense superior due to her emulating the current fashion trends and those that will reveal her curves and skin most flatteringly, thus drawing the most attention to herself that she can get. In this area, Claudia fancies herself an expert like Reese Witherspoon’s character Elle Woods in Legally Blonde, a “Cosmo Girl.” Unfortunately, Claudia does not value the arts or any creative ventures – again, not that she’s actually said so – thus she is useless in matters of art and creativity, especially as a critic, because her primary concern is never about aesthetic beauty or talent, but about profit and gain.

Anyways, on Monday when my head started to feel better I went to the mall and walked around. Though I got some exercise, on a negative note I ate some fast food and drank a Coke. Not that I’m too disappointed with myself – I have rejected much fast food this year and have consumed significantly less Coke than last year, when I was drinking 1-4 cans per day. I spent most my outing at Chapters – my holy temple, besides craft stores and petting zoos – where I bought the book Alice In Wonderland and Philosophy: Curioser and Curioser, edited by Richard Brian Davis. I also bought the magazines Fortean Times and Atlantis Rising, both of which discuss strange phenomena and unexplained mysteries.
So far I read the first chapter of Alice In Wonderland and Philosophy called Unruly Alice: A Feminist View of Some Adventures in Wonderland by Megan S Lloyd, and I also read one chapter of The Wizard of Oz and Philosophy: Wicked Wisdom of the West, edited by Randall E. Auxier and Phillip S. Seng. I read the chapter called When the Wiz Goes Black, Does He Ever Go Back? by Tommy J. Curry, which discusses the 1978 Motown film The Wiz – which I LOVE!

In terms of my goals regarding my bedroom and making it over to turn into an office-by-day, my mom found an armoire for $25! Can you believe that? It is definitely not in the best condition, but a coat of paint will fix that. Unfortunately she bought it on the spur of the moment, and as my bedroom is currently a pile of unsorted and diverse crap, I don’t have anywhere to put the large piece of furniture. It is currently standing in the living room randomly placed facing the kitchen, but generally out of the way of any paths into and out of the room, just not enough to not piss off my dad. As if I don’t already know, as if I can’t see it from where I sit in my usual seat on the living room couch, my dad has been reminding me that I need to clean my room and move the armoire into it. I informed him over and over again that the only reason I have not done so is my painful and debilitating headache. Still, I’m sure he was even less thrilled to learn that I had already started storing some of my belongings inside of it ... just for the time being of course.

Accomplishments:

- went to Mall
- purchased books, as well as craft supplies for Alice In Wonderland crafts
- got exercise at the Mall
- obtained armoire for bedroom
- painted 12 boxes for Mom
- read 1 chapter each from 2 books on philosophy and pop culture

Random Thought:

According to various sources such as Wikipedia, Lewis Carroll suffered from migrains, and some believe these migrains inspired him to write his Alice books. If this is true, given my last headache, I will turn out to be a literary phenomenon!